Montana Jones

Tax time

Me:

I'm getting screwed again on taxes this year.

L_:

Uh oh.

Me:

For all of Bush's tax cut hype he sure has done me no favors. I've gotten screwed the past several years. Of course that all started when I quit my job to go freelance.

L_:

The self employment tax.

Me:

Yup. This year I did okay with the fed but I am getting screwed by the state.

L_:

Oh yeah? I've seen that before.

Me:

My state taxes are twice as high as my payroll deductions were.

L_:

Ouch, that's not good.

Me:

I haven't filed yet. I double checked the math but I am still worried that I made a mistake somewhere. With all the steam coming out my ears I thought it best to cool off before I checked it again. I still have time to make sure it's right before I file.

L_:

That's a good idea, and make sure you itemize your deductions too. That will almost always get you a better deal than the standard deduction. Use your receipts and grab every little thing. I have seen the state of Montana take people for a lot at tax time.

Me:

Price we pay for not having a sales tax I guess.

L_:

Yup. Gets us better deal over all this way. Pay it all in one shot. Only do the accounting one time in one big lump and be done with it. Otherwise we would be farting around with accounting for every single little transaction every single day. Constantly having to deal with ledgers and tax codes and accountants. It gets expensive to do it that way.

Me:

Makes sense. For both us and the government.

L_:

And you still hear from these twerps in the government about how we should raise a tax this way and raise a tax that way and use a sales tax and on and on. Oh, it would be so wonderful and so simple and if we did it like this we could lower your other taxes. Well no one in this state buys that crap. And we know they wouldn't lower any taxes either, they would just screw us coming and going. No one here would vote in a sales tax unless there was a guarantee that other taxes would go down. None of this 'could' and 'might' and 'probably'. We need a guarantee or no one would vote for it.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:03 AM 0 comments

Lunch date at a Chinese restaurant

Her fortune cookie:

Now is a good time to try something new.

His fortune cookie:

Your luck will soon be at a high point.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:26 PM 1 comments

A date

Her:

I have an idea.

Me:

Oh?

Her:

I'm doing this before I chicken out.

Her:

I was thinking maybe I could buy you lunch.

Me:

Sweet!

Me:

I think you have come up with a really good idea there.

Her:

I think I just asked you out MJ.

Me:

Woot. A date!

Her:

I don't know how you guys do it.

Her:

We've even talked about this and I was nervous.

Me:

Thanks for asking me out.

Her:

Thanks for saying yes.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:39 AM 0 comments

Olympics

Olympic coverage on teevee. Yup, I've been watching. It takes a rare event to get me to turn on the boob tube and the Olympics have done it for me. I've heard that the network is not getting all the viewers that they want from the big show but I don't understand why. If the games can get a die hard teevee hater like myself to turn the stupid box on I can't understand why people aren't watching. Of course it could just be a statement about my relationship with teevee. The only time I tune in is when everyone else tunes out. Someone's got to be the iconoclast I guess.

I like the coverage this year as opposed to past Olympics. More sports. They are actually showing the games instead of endless exposé's on the athletes struggles and trials to get where they are. Less heart wrenching crap this time around, the producers are actually letting me watch athletes go fast and do spectacular things. Pretty cool. They are letting the games speak for themselves and create their own stories.

I watched Lindsey Jacobellis do her little stunt at the end of the ladies snowboard snowcross and get smoked for it. That was drama and excitement that did not need any elaboration from the commentators. The other night I watch a figure skating pair take to the ice with scowls on their faces and shooting daggers at each other with their eyes. Compared with the smiling happy couples I thought they were doomed. They turned in a beautiful performance and at the end they were hugging and smiling and had obviously just mended a broken relationship in front of a worldwide audience of millions. Pretty cool again. I don't know if they got any medals for it, but from the before and after looks in their eyes I could tell they gained more than a sports prize.

Speaking of gaining more than medals, now would be a good time to plug my new favorite website. DFL. This site is for honoring all those heroes that do not win big at the games. Yes I said heroes. It is easy to sit by the teevee and rant at the screen about how your grandmother could do better than that. In truth neither grandma, nor I, nor most of us has the grit it takes to compete in the Olympics. Years of training, sacrifice, competitions, and high expectations just to get qualified. Sure I bet it stings a little to do all that work and be that good and have someone else just plain and simple do better than you. But all those who compete are heroes to me. They have shown some greatness that I can only aspire to and may never touch. So I am happy to turn on the teevee and sit on the edge of my seat and cheer for someone who's name I don't know from a country I can't pronounce. They are doing their best. One day I hope my best will be half as good as someone finishing DFL in the Olympics.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:01 AM 0 comments

Presidents day

Dear President Bush,

Happy Presidents Day!

Did you know that I could not find a single Presidents Day card in the greeting card section of my local supermarket? If you aren't getting very many Presidents Day cards this may have something to do with it. And can you believe it, they already have a ton of Easter stuff on display. Humongous chocolate bunnies and stuff.

You know what would be cool, a huge chocolate president head for Presidents Day. Can you imagine it? A life size bust of you in delicious creamy chocolate. School kids would get a kick out of that for sure. They could start into it by biting your ears off like they do with the bunnies. Probably the only time in their entire lives that the average kid would have the ear of the president. The only way for most Americans to get some president in us.

I remember back in grade school getting taught the myth that any American boy could grow up to be president. All we starry eyed grade schoolers had to do to be president was to be born in simple circumstances like Abe Lincoln's log cabin. Live honestly and confess to chopping down cherry trees like Washington. Joining the military was a good career choice so we could charge San Juan Hill with Roosevelt. Being a good writer and philosopher like Jefferson would help too. That was all we would ever need to get our heads carved out of a big rock. Well, just like we grew up and learned about the Easter bunny, we also grew up to learn that being president is not that simple. I think you have shown us all that it takes something much different than being humble, honest, courageous, or learned to go to the White House.

I hope you are enjoying your holiday. I have heard that there are some fuddy duddies that want to limit presidential power more than you would like, but I am rooting for you. Especially if you get the power to put some chocolate presidents heads in the stores for next Presidents Day. You could totally kick butt over the Easter bunny too if you filled them with nougat.

So anyway, I know that we have not always agreed on stuff in the past, but I like to take these Presidents Days to cut you a little slack. I want to stay on your good side because I am a little worried about that department of homeland security putting me on some sort of watch list. You could even tell everyone that you came up with the chocolate president head idea all on your own if you keep DHS off my back. Thanks.

Have a great Presidents Day!
Montana Jones

p.s. If you can't reign in the DHS could you instead please ask Cheney not to do any hunting in Montana. Thanks.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:47 AM 1 comments

Internet and the single guy

Me:

my tounge probes your mouth my hands caress warm skin

Her:

i moan as I press against you, feeling your hard cock press back against me

Her:

I guide your hand ot my open legs

Her:

grrrr, hubby is home

Me:

hmmmm

Her:

i've gotta run....

Me:

Thats okay sweetie

I watch the icon go stale as she logs off and I continue to sit motionless staring into the computers glow for a few minutes. The vivid images in my mind trickle away and the empty dark of the room settles over me. I pull my blue jeans the rest of the way off and drag them with me to the basket in the bedroom. Undressing completely I crawl into bed. It occurs to me that I could finish on my own what we had started together. Somehow my heart is not in it and I roll on to my side for sleep. The fantasy images replay in my mind as I drift away and my last thought before sleep is that her husband could be right now finishing for her what I had started.

She loves her husband. I know this because she has told me. She has also kept her marriage open. She has told me this as well. Society has a lot of expectations for how we are supposed to behave and what is normal. But our culture does not do very well at bending rules for people. It does not help us much when our emotions do unregulated things like love more than one person at a time or lust for someone you can't touch.

I don't know what her husband thinks of this and I don't really care. They are several states away and he works nights, the times when I am available. She and I chat about sex and desire often. Sometimes we get so engrossed as to create a fantasy together. I don't feel like I am invading his space. She and I never touch, only talk. And when he comes home, I go away. The real world is more important. That is how it should be.

The next day feels empty, incomplete. We chat again, about weekend plans and being lazy. The sexual tension is not there this time. That is okay. The little things are important. Being a good friend makes a better lover when the time is right. Not that she and I are lovers. Our sex is only as real as the fantasy we make.

Then my mailbox opens a new door.

Inbox:

... Please feel free to email again if you would like. I would really like to "talk" to you again.

There are replies and more Emails and getting to know you questions and banter and flirtation.

Outbox:

You know what I really think; I think that if we were in the same town there would be some serious seduction going on right now. Toe curling, bodice ripping, hot, steamy, tense, flaming daiquiri, pillar toppling, opulent, shiny, stampeding cattle, frantic, dangerous, the future's so bright I gotta wear shades SEDUCTION.

Of course there was seduction going on already. They say that the brain is the bodies largest sex organ. We have been flashing some brain at each other across several Emails. We sit across the ether from each other and stroke our keyboards and tease our words and caress our paragraphs and seduce each other with imagination.

Our interaction grows from pensive questions and answer into the friendly chatting of friends. Under the surface there is tingling of sexual tension, of mystery and fantasy and flirtation. Seeing her name in my inbox brings smiles and I start to long for it when it does not appear as often as I would like. She joins me in the Instant Messenger. Now I can peek at her when she logs in and out and I can take comfort in seeing her name there. Right next to the name of my other internet girlfriend. What do societies conventions say about that?

One night I finally run into the situation I had feared. The messenger chimes a hello from the old girl while I am chatting with the new one.

Her:

heya cutie. how goes montana?

I banter with her a little, but my mind is elsewhere. I can't keep up both conversations and hers is the one neglected. I wonder a little about the etiquette of simultaneous IM chats. I don't want either of these ladies to feel neglected, I don't want to cross channels either or do anything that might cause jealousy. A few rules might actually help me here.

Her:

i turn into a pumpkin after 10 pm

Her:

i'm off to bed sweet thang

Her:

have a good night

Me:

sorry I've been distracted tonight.

Me:

enjoy your pumpkinhood

Her:

no worries, i wasn't looking for your attention tonight *wink* I'll catch you again some other time

I'm pretty sure that the married girlfriend would understand. I've known her longer, understand her better. She has a husband, an open marriage and appreciates meeting needs where you can. The new girlfriend, well, I don't know how she would react. This new world of Internets and Emails has different rules to it. I don't think anyone knows them yet. Is it cheating? Is it unfair to share your attention with several people this way? And what if real life provides it's own girlfriends? Do I get to keep the online ones?

It is probably not right to think of my internet friends as girlfriends anyway. The word is too uncertain. It's almost as though the word describes different relationships depending on who is using it. I never even understood it back in high school when it was slipped on and off as regularly as a pair of shoes. But that is the word in my mind. I don't think there is a word for the girls that you don't meet and only talk to in writing but still smile at and think about and feel giddy over as though they were the romantic crush down the street.

I'm not going to tell the new girlfriend that I use that label to think of her. I don't yet know her well enough to guess her reaction. There is so much I don't know about her. Perhaps she even has other internet friends as well. Perhaps online flirting is common to her and she knows some rules that I don't. She may have fantasy lovers as I do. I don't know. I shouldn't make assumptions one way or the other. I don't think I would be jealous. If a real world husband can't make me jealous a cyber partner would not phase me either.

I like the new girl in my life. It is exciting to get the little emotional rush from seeing her name in my inbox. I feel special when she takes the time to say hello. I want to romance and seduce her. I want her to know she has found a special place with me. I want to give her something I don't share with others.

Me:

I have a crazy idea.

Girl:

what's that?

Me:

what is your phone number? wanna talk?

Girl:

sure

After all, the real world is more important.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:00 PM 0 comments

Getting to Montana

Customer from the East Coast:

I'm sorry but I am going to have to cancel my trip.

Me:

I'm sorry to hear that.

Customer:

I'm sorry about it too. I took your suggestion and looked at train fare and it is about a third less expensive than air fare but there is too much travel time. I only have so many days for my vacation this year.

Me:

I understand.

Customer:

I can't believe how expensive travel is right now. I think I will be sending my wife to England for our vacation instead.

Me:

Oooh. That hurts to hear that it is cheaper to get to England than to Montana.

Customer:

Yes, it is unfortunate. We would rather visit you but we can't this year.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:47 AM 0 comments

Netflix

I've been watching movies for my entertainment this winter. To facilitate I have subscribed to Netflix. This is one of those deals that looks really good on paper. You queue up a bunch of movies, they send three of them to you through the mail. Keep 'em as long as you want. Mail them back postage paid when done and you get the next one on your list. I am paying $17.99 per month for this.

The Netflix company looks like it has a lot going for it. But I am very worried that this is really the next big evil company to hate.

My local video store will rent me a DVD for $3.89. It has a weekly dollar night special (must return it the next day) and at the counter I am constantly getting hit up for the $0.10 damage coverage. Call it $3.99 per movie. If I were to rent four regular priced movies and two dollar specials per month locally I would be matching the Netflix rate. Six movies a month for $17.56, assuming I don't get any late fees, for an average of $2.93 per film.

From Netflix I received eight movies in November, eight movies again in December, eight in January. In fact, no matter how fast I watch and return these movies they can't get me more than eight per month. That is an average of $2.25 per film. Considering the postal mail turnaround time, if I mail a movie on Monday, Netflix checks it back in on Wednesday, I get my next film on Friday. A five day turnaround per movie. Since I have three movies checked out at a time I think I ought to be getting slightly more than three movies per week or 12 movies per month.

Here in the first two weeks of February I have already gone through five Netflix films and then my queue mysteriously stopped updating. Dvd's I had put in the mail over a week ago were not getting checked back in. Sure, the post office may have an issue here or there but the mail service has been consistent and quick for my entire life. I am guessing that the U.S. Mail is not the problem. My guess, even though there are two more weeks left in this month, is that the mail service to Netflix will somehow mysteriously slow down to the point where I can't possibly get more than three more movies from them in the next two weeks. I am not the only one with this problem.

Still, at eight movies per month I am saving a little money, $0.68 each, over what the local video store offers. No late fees. Convenient delivery. Stellar selection of movies that the video store can't even come close to matching. Why am I uptight? Why is Netflix so evil? Because they fall short of their promises. Because I feel like I am watching movies at someone else's convenience instead of my own. Because I signed up for an all you can eat buffet of movies and I am not getting that. As one of my Netflix using friends said. "They can't deliver enough movies fast enough, they are never here when I want them so I still go out to rent for movie nights, still get late fees. Netflix is not all that it is cracked up to be."

They have been called on this in a class action suit as well. The results from that were ugly. For a settlement they got to throw a big promotion that conned people out of more money. The lawyers got rich. The consumers got squat. I think that counts as evil. Not exactly a company that inspires my confidence as a customer.

So is Netflix a good deal? That depends. If you watch more than six movies per month or have a problem with late fees, Netflix will save you a little money. You won't save very much money and you won't get very many more than six movies, but you can scrape out a small savings. Don't waste any time on them for less than five per month though and plan on watching and returning them quickly instead of saving them for Friday nights. You can't get enough movies per month to make it worthwhile if you do that. Do you like old and obscure movies that the local shops don't carry? Netflix could help you out there too. Beyond that there is no good reason to give these people your money. This is the kind of company that has no qualms about screwing you over just to get at your wallet. If you believe in corporate ethics you should stay far far away from them and spend your dollars locally.

So what is Montana Jones to do? I like the catalog and the convenience. I hate that I can't get the number of movies I want. Hate that my fees are going to support a corporation with shady and perhaps unethical practices. Perhaps it is just the momentum of being in their system that makes it hard to get out. I think I will compromise. There are still a few more movies I want to watch that I have only found through their catalog so I will stick with them a little longer, but when my movie watching winter is over I will be done with Netflix. They will have to change their ways if they ever want me back.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:28 AM 2 comments

Be my valentine

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:29 AM 3 comments

Movie review

Secretary
IMDB link
Released in 2002 with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal.

This movie was a sweet surprise. I had been warned beforehand, and perhaps you should be too, that the film explores a sadomasochistic relationship complete with spanking and eroticism. What I was not warned about, and what truly delighted me, is how very touching and tender a romance the film portrays.

The story follows Lee, (Maggie Gyllenhaal) an attractive young lady that has a problem with cutting herself. We follow her as she makes her way from institution to real world where her typing skills land her a job as secretary for the young lawyer E. Edward Grey (James Spader). As you can probably guess, here enters the romance.

Of course this is not a normal girl meets boy sort of romance as Mr. Grey has a host of issues of his own. The characters themselves don't even recognize the connection they have made and individually struggle to hold their own idiosyncrasies in check. Lee tries a more conventional dating approach with a timid young man Peter. Grey grapples with the unorthodox methods of his own affection. Living in a sort of self denial about his true nature.

The reason I have to give the film such high marks is for the way the characters are portrayed so sympathetically and with such humanity. We get to see up close and clearly how unbalanced both Lee and Grey truly are and yet there is no revulsion, only compassion. In comparison the sweet and sincere Peter looks to be the most screwed up character of them all.

With its compassion for these unusual people the film commands us to examine our own individuality. The erotic moments of the film were very captivating and I felt sexually charged at the end. Yet I had no real desire to experiment with sadomasochism or follow the characters behavior. Instead it left me feeling that individuality is the key to happiness. It does not matter what our fetishes or peculiarities or desires are; the film tells us that it is okay to admit them, to let them out. Through their empowerment Lee and Grey show us the possibilities of what can happen when we admit that there are parts of us that do not fit the norms and expectations of the world. We get to watch a person unbalanced in one direction lean against a person unbalanced in the other. The result is harmony and sweet tender love. Unconventional perhaps, but beautifully romantic all the same.

I felt very sorry for Peter. Perhaps because I see too much of him in myself. His naivete and cluelessness cause him to lose the girl in the end. But if there is love and balance for people like Lee and Grey I want to believe there is also a balance for simple sincerity. There is hope that he will find his true love. There is hope for me. There is hope for all of us. And isn't that how a romantic movie is supposed to make us feel?

Posted by: Montana Jones / 6:30 PM 1 comments

Blog-a-versary

Greetings my dear blog reading minions.

It has been a year. Yup. Can hardly believe it myself. A whole year of spewing forth composing words for consumption on the Internet.

I would like to think that all the effort has been worth it, that I have made a difference. That somebody somewhere out in that vast and mighty Internet has read my words and gained a little insight or laughed or cried or got pissed off or at least enjoyed killing a little time. I would like to think that I am a better person for the experience as well. Hopefully a better writer or better reader. Better time waster probably. I would settle for more observant. Funny thing about personal growth, it's hard to measure. My reward for putting all the effort in for a year? The same reward that so many things in life give us. I get to do it again.

So how about some numbers. My first year had 172 blog posts in it. That averages slightly more than 3 per week. Okay, I have not been a consistent poster. My personal blog directory here on the local computer has 15.5MB of stuff in it. That's across 248 files in 6 folders. So no, you have not seen every last word I have written. Trust me, you are probably better off for it. There looks to be about 23 photos in there, averaging two photos per month.

I try to do a lot of filtering and condensing of the stuff I write before it gets blogged. In addition to my manifesto I also have one personal rule that I have held myself to very strictly. Rewrite everything. I do not allow myself to ever publish anything on the same day I wrote it. That can be a little rough when trying to expound on current events but I believe it is a crucial element in making myself readable. My re-writes have run the spectrum from niggly little punctuation and word edits all the way up to trashing the thing and starting over. I can only think of a couple instances in the past year where I published exactly the words I originally typed. In spite of all that effort I can still look back through the archives and spot poor spelling and punctuation and grammar. Sigh. I will need an editor before I can become a decent writer.

Sometimes I think of blog posts as throwing stones. Chuck a rock out into the pond and see what ripples it creates. Strange thing about blog posts; I pretty consistently cannot guess how many ripples it will make. There have been posts I have meticulously researched, wrote, rewrote and edited. They were very heavy stones for me when I finally heaved them out and I did not see a single ripple. Other times I toss a light piece of fluff and it splashes back at me with many comments and much feedback. Strange thing this Internet.

I have never expected to make any huge splashes. I don't think enough people read me for that. I know there are a few people that check in on me regularly and that is nice, but I don't think there are more than a dozen of you. I have toyed with the idea of putting one of those hit counter thingamajobs on here so I could get a clue about who visits and how often. It would help me measure the waves I generate with my posts. I don't think I will do it though. Ignorance is bliss. It's almost easier to write when I don't think anyone is listening. I have no desire to be a big name in blogging, I am quite happy out here in the long tail. In the end this blog is what most other blogs are about. Me, me, me, me, me, me. I don't want to care about appealing to the masses. Wanna have some fun messing with my head? Post a comment. If I get more than ten I will pretty much freak out.

I was toying with ways to celebrate my first anniversary. Guest bloggers, photo spreads, win a date with Jones contests. Now that the day is here it feels a lot like birthdays feel after you hit your mid twenties. Nothing quite so special anymore, still expected to show up for work, celebrations involve a single nice glass of wine instead of a row of shots. So the celebrating here will be a little subdued as well. Besides, I already know who would win the date with Jones. Not very fair for the other contestants. So how about we celebrate by sprucing the place up a bit. Polishing up the look of the blog is as good a way to celebrate as any. Hope you like it.

Looking forward to year two.
Montana Jones

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:12 AM 3 comments

The biggest fastest sports team you never heard of

So how many world champions can there be on one team?

Here in the USA we recently had a big world championship contest and the winning team, The Pittsburgh Steelers, had a roster of 63 people. That's a lot of world champions. But only if you count the countries that play American football as the entire world. Some of those guys can run pretty fast too. But it is unusual to measure football players in miles per hour.

The US Winter Olympic Team is about to take the field in Italy and their roster counts an impressive 292 athletes. Winning certainly does make a world champion. They can go fast too. Some of those downhill skiers can reach speeds over 80 miles per hour.

But there is a bigger and faster sports team with more world champions than an Olympic team. Jones, I can hear you asking, just what sports team could possibly be bigger, faster and create more genuine world champions than an Olympic team?

The largest sports team ever has over 400 athletes from over 40 countries. They perform at speeds over 120 miles per hour and all 400 of them must work and move together as one. Their contest will be won or lost in less than 90 seconds. They do not compete against each other but instead must work together to overcome obstacles of skill, culture and communication. They are a team that fosters international cooperation, understanding and goodwill around the world.

They are called The World Team and not only did they just set an incredible new record. Making world champions out of all of them. They are planning on outdoing themselves again very soon.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:23 AM 1 comments

Honesty, Passion and Skydiving

Me:

One of the things I struggle with occasionally is knowing when I am lying to myself.

Her:

What do you think you lie to yourself about?

Me:

Wanting to both be right in an argument and also be open to other points of view. I have to lie to myself about one of those things to get a self esteem boost.

Her:

Understandable.

Me:

Saying I want something but then sabotaging myself with procrastination could be another way of being dishonest with myself.

Her:

Hmm, good point MJ, do you have anything specifically in mind?

Me:

I have spent the past several years telling myself I should skydive more and I am very good at coming up with excuses to go next weekend instead of this one.

Her:

Why do you think that is? It is something you enjoy so what do you think is the reason for that?

Me:

That's a good and complicated question. The fact that skydiving has a pretty good risk factor plays into it. Some social elements play into it too.

Her:

I was going to mention the risk factor, what social elements? I have no experience with skydiving so I'm learning from you.

Me:

Well, most activities have a social order to them. Be it rock climbing or marathon racing or kayaking or whatever. To get involved in the activity you also have to place yourself in the social circle and be somewhere in the pecking order, so to speak. Some social groups can be very exclusive and discriminatory. It helps to find a group that is supportive and encouraging but life does not always work out like that.

Her:

No it doesn't, that is one of the reasons I think I fell in love with running, the group I got involved with was very encouraging and accepting.

Me:

Personally I have a hard time reading social cues about such things. Too much of a geek I guess. I often can't pick out which people are the supportive ones I should be spending my time with. Creates a challenge for me.

Her:

Now I would never have thought you the geeky type MJ.

Me:

It's true. But anyway, when I have a harder time finding good people to skydive with I also have a harder time convincing myself to go at all.

Her:

That makes sense to me, the encouragement of a supportive partner is invaluable.

Me:

And thus we wind up back at the beginning where I try to tell myself I want more skydiving yet I can't bring myself to do it and somewhere in there I am lying to myself.

Her:

Do you think there is more support out there for you that you just haven't tapped into yet?

Me:

Yes, I do think that.

Her:

And the only way to know for sure is to do more skydiving.

Me:

Montana has opened my eyes quite a bit to how helpful and friendly people can really be.

Her:

I am so glad for that, I think Montana is a very friendly place, I'm glad you are finding it to be so.

Me:

My current excuse is that the weather has been crappy. My next excuse after that is that I am running out of spending money. I gotta figure out what it is that is causing me to make so many excuses in the first place.

Her:

Hmm, I'll be curious to know what you come up with.

Me:

Me too.

Her:

It doesn't seem to be a lack of passion.

Me:

All it takes is one jump and my veins fill with adrenaline and it suddenly feels so very very good to be alive. Best drug ever.

Her:

You make it sound amazing, that kind of description doesn't come from a lack of passion.

Me:

I don't think I could ever quit. I tried quitting once and had to make a farewell jump. Well that just got me hooked again. So every time the idea of giving up the sport crosses my mind I just go make another farewell jump.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:34 AM 2 comments

Overheard at halftime

Guy 1:

My god I can't believe they aren't dead yet.

Guy 2:

Do you think they are on colostomy bags yet?

Guy 1:

Probably not Mick but Keith is a contender.

Guy 2:

Keith has done enough heroin to disrupt the economies of small countries.

Guy 1:

Those guys are like over 60 and shit. I can't believe they are prancing around like that.

Guy 2:

How much did they pay the people in the crowd to be all screaming wild like that?

Me:

I hope I have teenage girls screaming and throwing panties at me when I'm 60. I think it's cool.

[both guys glare at me]

Guy 1:

Well they're done. Back to the cryotubes for them. Thaw them out for next years show.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:26 AM 1 comments

Found in my inbox

As preamble you should know that this is from a conversation about this article:
http://www.salon.com/ent/col/fix/2006/01/23/mon/index_np.html

A relevant quote from the Salon piece:

For months now, a chorus of televised talking heads has been predicting that the vast majority of Americans wouldn't stand -- let alone stand in line -- for "Brokeback Mountain." Bill O'Reilly, who memorably promised that red-staters would stay home, predicted, "They're not going to go see the gay cowboys in Montana. I'm sorry. They're not going to do it."

The article goes on to elaborate about film attendance counts in various Montana towns and attempts to draw some conclusions about the right leaning vs. left leaning nature of the state. Now on to the commentary found in my inbox.

So looking at this data set we can state that 65,039 dollars were spent at (let's estimate) $7.00 per ticket for a result of 9,291 people. The collective population of the towns listed is 167,415. This tells us that 5.5% of that population has seen this movie. (Interestingly, 5.5% is consistent with some estimates of the ratio of homosexuals in a community [Kinsey 1948; Gebhard & Johnson 1963]).

While O'Reilly was not entirely accurate when he couched his statement in absolute terms, 94.5% really is not far off within the spirit of his remarks. At the same time, the author's attempt to paint Montana as a not-so-conservative state ignores this fact and does not explain the inconsistency between local and national election results. Understanding this would do more to further the knowledge of Montana's social character than attempting to equate entertainment hype with institutional dynamics - the first being fickle and turbulent and the other having longer range characteristics and sustaining effects.

All this leads me to conclude that this is much ado about nothing as the media continues to consume itself on inane agendas that are more editorial than substance.

Have a nice day.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 10:01 PM 0 comments

Dating advice

M_:

I was in a bummer mood the other week though.

Me:

Oh? Why?

M_:

It was over a boy of course.

Me:

Do tell.

M_:

I went out on a date with this guy I met from the Internet. He sounded like a nice guy or else I would not have gone out with him. But it just didn't go well.

Me:

What happened?

M_:

We went on a cross country ski date so that involved spending a few hours together in the car and stuff. And all he ever did was talk about himself. He never asked me anything, he never really showed any interest in me or what I do. It left me wondering what was wrong with me. Did he not like me? Did he think my ass was too big? Did I smell funny? I don't get it. My friends told me that it was him and not me but it still made me feel bad.

Me:

Want my opinion?

M_:

Yeah.

Me:

The guy is a dick. Don't waste any more time on him.

M_:

What do you mean?

Me:

Well, I don't know all the details, but from what you said he sounds like the sort of guy that thinks he can impress you and sweep you off your feet by talking himself up. Trying to show off what a great catch he is. As far as he is concerned, in dating it's the girls job to swoon over how great he is. He never considered the idea that you are more impressed when people share and find common things and have conversations. If the guy doesn't bother finding out anything about you that's his problem. There is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn't let that get you down.

M_:

Yeah, I'm glad to hear that. It's good to get a guys perspective.

Me:

Don't get me wrong, it's good to see you out dating and meeting people and stuff. Just don't get hung up on this guy. Treat it like a practice date. You are just practicing your dating on the substandard jerks until the right guy comes along and then you can go on a real date and really impress the guy with how much fun you are to go out with.

M_:

I just don't get dating. You know. I've only ever gone out with guys I already knew from somewhere. This dating thing is hard.

Me:

Yes, it is. But like I say, just use it as practice and don't get hung up on anyone. You will do fine.

M_:

So maybe I shouldn't have asked him out again.

Me:

You did what?

M_:

Well I thought I had done something wrong and that if we tried again it would work out a little better.

Me:

No, no. Blow him off.

M_:

Yeah, your right. Fuck him.

Me:

Well, you can if you want to. You are a grownup.

M_:

Fuck you too.

Me:

Okay.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:09 AM 0 comments