Montana Jones

Easter Egg Hunt

Drunk Guy:

Alright, Alright, lissen up. Hey, you gotta be quiet if you want to hear this. Hey! Okay, here is the deal here. We got fifty of these little bottles of booze, hey lissen! It's an Easter egg hunt. We got fifty of these shots of booze hidden on the grounds. Now here is the rules. When you find 'em you gotta bring 'em here so we can count 'em off. We don't want your kids finding these later this summer so be sure to get 'em all counted and hey, wait, I didn't say start. Wait, don't go yet. Hey! That's a penalty for starting early. You haven't heard all the rules. Wait, ahh hell. Go have fun.

Bartender:

Aren't you playing?

Group:

Naw, we are beer drinkers. Looks like those guys have already found half of them.

Tattooed Girl:

Oooh, heres one. And here.

Sunburned Guy:

Oh yeah, got one.

Mullet:

How far should we look? Are they on this side of the road?

Loud Girl:

Hey, how many did you find?

Tattooed Girl:

I only have eleven. Go look, there are a bunch more out there.

Guy:

I know where one is, it's in plain sight, just disguised is all.

Girl:

Well, where is it? Tell me.

Guy:

I'm having too much fun watching you all miss it.

Drunk Guy:

None of them are across the road. They are all between the road and the road and the parking lot.

Sweatshirt Guy:

Nice, I got one from the rafters.

Me:

I think this is just a ploy to get the drunks to pick up the litter in the yard.

Tattooed Girl:

I already got the one from the flower pot.

Mullet:

I found one just sitting in the grass.

Girl:

Don't bother looking under those cushions, I already looked there.

Loud Girl:

So how many have we got? What's the count?

Bartender:

There are still eleven or twelve out there.

Me:

If I find one this is gonna be the coolest Easter ever. If I don't I'm gonna think this sucks.

Drunk Guy:

Hey, you wanna hint?

Me:

Sure.

Drunk Guy:

Go look at that beer can over there.

Me:

Cool, how the hell did you get it in there?

Loud Girl:

It was in the beer can? Can you do that?

Me:

Thanks for the Easter entertainment.

Drunk Guy:

No problem man, it's good times.

Labels: booze, conversation, drinking, drunks, Easter egg, entertainment, game, hidden, play

Posted by: Montana Jones / 11:05 AM 2 comments

In the bar

There is a strange tightness in my chest when the most attractive girl in the bar chooses to sit next to me. I smile my hello but keep most of my attention on my cheeseburger and the football game on teevee. I was torn about even leaving the comfort of home this cold evening. The deciding factor was not so much that I had no dinner in the fridge, but that I wanted some entertainment. And so I sat quietly at the bar and ate my burger and watched the football game and listened to the people around me tell their stories. Most stories people tell at the bar are not interesting. Drunks being self important makes poor insight to life. It's all about who wronged us and who did something stupid and how drunk we got that one time.

The girl is joined by her friend, the day shift bartender just off duty, and I can hear snippets of conversation. How he was so sweet and how she couldn't understand him and a longing for something greater in life. It would be the most interesting conversation in the bar except that I can't hear it very well over the din of the teevee and the boisterous patrons.

A girl joins the crowd on my other side. Sitting on the stool next to me and leaning into her group of friends her low rise jeans shows me the crack of her ass and a tattoo that says "respect" in flowery script. If she is trying to teach herself respect she put the tattoo where she cant see it herself, and if she wants respect from others I don't think she will get it by flashing her ass and her message at the same time.

At the end of the bar a young man is trying to be clever by throwing ice and insults at everyone nearby. When the attractive girls physically turn away from him in an effort to ignore him his retort is to raise his volume and shout out how he is complimenting them with his insults. It's not long before the girls pick up their drinks and move to the other side of the room.

The idea of leaving home and finding the company of others this evening was appealing not so long ago. And here I am alone in a boisterous crowd. I can't think of a single thing to say to anyone near me. No conversation starters, no ice breakers, no jokes. Not for the clever guy or the respectful girl or the attractive ladies. Even though there is beer and cheeseburgers and football on teevee, many good things, I have nothing in common with the people at the bar.

Labels: bar, drinking, observations

Posted by: Montana Jones / 10:28 AM 2 comments