Montana Jones

I-9

She:

Would you like me to mail a copy of my social security card?

Me:

No thanks, just list the number. You are really paranoid about this paperwork.

She:

Well you mentioned big fines.

Me:

I didn't intend to make it sound that serious. It works like this; we have to keep this I-9 paperwork on file for all employees in case some big government person asks for it. If, in the rare one in a bazillion chance that a government fool were to come snooping, we would have to prove that all our employees are eligible to work in the U.S. I have never heard of anyone ever being asked for this paper, but employers are threatened with fines and such to keep us in line. There would only be trouble if we were hiring illegal aliens. Personally, I am pretty confident that you are eligible to work in the United States.

She:

Only for about 40 years.

Me:

Right. So if the government hassles me about providing a job to a law abiding white American woman with a valid social security number, I will be sure to get in touch and get a copy of that document right away.

Labels: conversation, employees, Employment, fines, government, hireing, I-9, job, paperwork, work

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:43 PM 2 comments

Inflation sucks

Me:

Even with all the other expenses going up, at least fuel is dropping.

She:

But we are still be paying those energy charges that were added. You remember the laundry added twenty bucks to our bill for the trucking cost? Well, they aren't taking it off even though gas is back down.

Me:

True. And we can't do anything about it. And it sucks.

Labels: bills, business, conversation, economy, expenses, fuel, gas, inflation, laundry, sucks

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:35 PM 2 comments

Learning experience

Me:

I'm looking forward to B_'s first birthday party. How's our little guy doing?

He:

He is smiling, pooping and climbing up things. He got this bump on the head here when he tried to climb the rock out front.

Me:

Awww, did you take a bump to the noggin? Sounds like a learning experience to me.

She:

He is learning to stand up and to fall over.

Me:

Roll with it little buddy. You are going to have many opportunities in this life to discover that our best learning experiences are also a little painful.

The meeting earlier in the day was decidedly tense. We were determined to do our business on our own terms. BP_ and I had been preparing for weeks. Months in fact. We had the issues spelled out as clearly as possible. We had our goals defined. Our talking points were rehearsed. We were confident. We were prepared to meet anger, antagonism and personal attacks. We even had secret signals ready to help each other out if things started to go badly. It is a difficult thing to confront someone else, demand respect, and insist that they make sacrifices to change the status quo. As with most battle plans, ours did not survive the first contact.

Higher Power chastised us first thing for the stern tone we were taking in our written statements. A lot of people in that room were expecting the worst and in shields up mode. We were able to stand our ground quite successfully. They conceded many points we were not expecting. We conceded on points as well. I learned some things.

I learned that preparation is everything. Even though the battle plan was down in flames in the first moments we still had our goals, resources and a solid knowledge of the ground we were trying to cover.

I learned that while long standing issues are best resolved before they are long standing, sometimes they become long standing because of talking softly. For right or wrong, we had to remind some people that we also carried a big stick.

I learned that if a long standing issue is not getting resolved, being stern and wielding the big stick will suddenly get a lot of attention pointed at the issue. Sometimes more attention than expected. If you are sure you are in the right, and you will know if you did your preparation correctly, you can stand your ground confidently.

I learned that when you rock the boat it makes a lot of people very uncomfortable. Rocking the boat can make yourself very uncomfortable as well. I learned that I do not want to rock the boat very often.

For good or ill the stern tone worked. I don't know if it is the same thing as respect, but I do know that I was taken seriously and the outcome of the meeting was favorable to us. It is a day I will remember for a long time. The experience was a little painful. One year olds are not the only ones that ache for a while after a learning experience.

Labels: ache, business, confidence, conversation, learning, meeting, rock the boat, stern

Posted by: Montana Jones / 5:17 PM 0 comments

Grammar Police

Me:

Are you driving back to Missoula tonight?

She:

Yeah.

Me:

Well, drive safe.

She:

I will. I'll drive safely too.

Me:

And don't let the grammar police catch you.

Labels: conversation, drive, grammar, Missoula

Posted by: Montana Jones / 5:04 AM 0 comments

Overheard in Whitefish

They:

Hey, do you guys know where there's a bar that takes Canadian money?

He:

Canada.

Labels: bar, Canada, conversation, money, Whitefish

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:31 PM 0 comments

Montana has been good to me

Me:

Montana has been good to me.

MM:

It shows.

Me:

I am very happy with the time I have spent here.

MM:

Already today I have had a few moments of "I wish I woulda… Why didn't I?"

Me:

Well, I hope you get your chance.

MM:

Oh, I will. Just gotta do my time and work things out with the missus. I know of quite a few people that left here and regretted it.

Me:

It is a common theme, especially among the young. A lot of young people look around Montana and don't see anything. They don't see the same things they see on teevee. So they think that if they just get out life will be better, if they just go to California or New York or Florida or wherever they will get their big break. Most of them go and it turns into a learning experience for them.

MM:

Important rule of thumb. When you choose to leave paradise, when you choose to leave heaven, you must first negotiate passage for reentry.

Labels: conversation, desire, good, heaven, leaving, Montana, paradise, regret

Posted by: Montana Jones / 10:04 PM 0 comments

Woman, fetch my beer

She:

Want me to get your beer?

Me:

No, please, under no circumstances should you get my beer.

She:

Under no circumstances?

Me:

It's the domestic implications that disturb me. <redneck>Woman, fetch muh beer!</redneck>

She:

Ha. Well, if you ever say it like that I'm throwing your ass off the balcony. But I was going to go get my ice tea and I thought while I was up I could bring your beer.

Me:

Naw, I'll have it with dinner.

Labels: Beer, conversation, domestic, gender roles, misogyny

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:57 AM 0 comments

Most snow

Me:

It's the most snow I have ever opened up in.

Older Generation:

Sure.

Me:

And A_ said it was the most snow he has ever seen at opening.

OG:

Can't be that bad.

Me:

Mom said it was the second most snow she has ever opened up in; with the most being when she was a kid in 1954.

OG:

Well, she was shorter then.

Labels: conversation, history, mom, opening, snow, work

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:30 PM 0 comments

Eating Crow

Me:

I went ahead and hired X_

He:

Really?

Me:

Yeah, I didn't want to waste time beating the bushes hoping for someone better. I figure the devil I know is better than the devil I don't.

He:

There is that. Yeah, you could do worse than X_. Sometimes you have to eat crow.

Me:

I understand crow goes well in a cream sauce.

He:

Sauce it up however you can. Add lots of pepper and plenty of wine.

Labels: business, conversation, crow, decision, employees, hireing

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:40 AM 0 comments

Fire and beer

Woman:

Hey guys, that fire is about to jump the road.

Guy:

Need help?

Woman:

Yeah. Z_ called the fire department, but we need to make sure it don't jump the road.

Guy:

Hey Jones, how's your fire fighting skills?

Me:

Never done it, but I'll come along.

When I got out of the truck I took the time to look around carefully, noting where people were and where there was smoke and flame and survey the terrain. A safety check. My friends went to consult someone they knew raking at the burning grass near the road. The consensus was that the fire would only cross the road if the wind picked up and at the moment no ones house was in danger. More importantly, did anyone bring beer? There is only the one here and it's warm.

Another pickup truck arrived with an assortment of shovels and rakes in the back. The tools were handed out but no one moved to the fire. "Good thing you brought these" someone quipped, "we didn't have anything to lean on. Did you bring any beer?"

Another pickup truck arrived. The driver leaned out the window and joked "Typical goddamn Montana fire crew. Standing in the road and bullshitting. I'm surprised you aren't drinking beer."

The next half hour went much like that. People arriving, leaning on shovels, chatting up their neighbors, occasionally glancing at the fire and complaining about the lack of beer. When the fire truck arrived and men with yellow shirts and hard hats started surveying the scene it was apparent that they had not brought beer either. The tools were returned to the pickup trucks and the gathering broke up.

She:

How long have you been in Montana?

Me:

About three years.

She:

Does it surprise you how obsessed with beer everyone is?

Me:

No. I'm not surprised. I picked up on the beer culture real quick after moving here.

Labels: Beer, conversation, culture, fire, neighbors

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:15 AM 1 comments

Vice President

She:

Wait, I don't get it. Don't you have to be a shareholder to be a director?

Lawyer:

No. You have to be a shareholder to vote for the directors, but a director does not have to be a shareholder.

She:

So we can put Jones on the board of directors?

Lawyer:

Yes. In fact you have to do either that, or elect someone else, or amend the corporate bylaws so that there are only two directors. You will have to do one of those at this meeting.

Me:

Just one question? What does a director do? What are the responsibilities?

He:

Not much. The directors just tell others what to do.

Lawyer:

The board of directors will set the direction for the company. They will approve requisitions and purchases and so forth. Legally they will have the right to speak for the company, like in securing a bank loan or some such thing, a director can sign those documents.

He:

Mostly they just appoint officers and employees to do the actual work.

Me:

So the board of directors basically sits around and thinks big thoughts, then tells everyone else what to do.

He:

You got it.

Lawyer:

The directors will also vote for officers, which your company needs three; a president, a vice president and a secretary/treasurer.

He:

Sounds like a summer club house where the kids get together and say "Hey I'm gonna be president and you be vice president and we aren't gonna let girls join."

Lawyer:

Yeah, it's a lot like that only with more money involved. So how do you want to arrange officers?

She:

Well, I'm happy with how you have handled the secretary/treasurer bit, why don't you just keep that up.

He:

Okay.

Lawyer:

So who gets president and vice president?

Me:

You have seniority, you be president.

She:

Okay.

Me:

Wait. What does the president and vice president do?

Lawyer:

Mainly the president will run the meetings and the vice president will take over in the presidents' absence. The officers also have some powers, you will have the ability to call a meeting of the directors.

Me:

So I can call you guys together if I ever want to show off how many Jell-O shots I can do?

Lawyer:

Yep.

Me:

Sweet! I'm in.

Lawyer:

Congratulations on your appointment Mr. Vice President.

Me:

Thanks. Do I get a special hat or a cookie or something?

Labels: business, conversation, corporation, director, lawyer, meeting, money, shareholder, vice president

Posted by: Montana Jones / 12:19 PM 0 comments

Hiring

He:

So are you one of those that hire all the Russian kids?

Me:

No that's the ski resort. It's less paperwork to hire domestically so I prefer that, but I will hire foreigners if I have to.

He:

Why do they have to do that?

Me:

Because Americans are not taking the jobs. I have been recruiting up a storm for the past couple months and I don't have enough applications right now.

Labels: conversation, employees, Employment, foreign, jobs, paperwork

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:41 AM 1 comments

It's the economy...

He:

you know the big media outlets. ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, and so on. You know those guys.

Me:

Yeah.

He:

Well, they have successfully predicted 40 of the last two recessions.

He:

The mortgage crisis is not dying off, it is only going to get worse. You know all those international investors that bought the subprime mortgages, well, they are going to start suing. They were sold unsecured loans as though they were secure loans. They are going to sue the middle men banks to get their money back. These banks are going to get screwed from defaulted home loans on one side and get screwed by lawsuits from international investors on the other. There are some banks that will not exist anymore in a year.

He:

Keep an eye on the real estate markets this year. Around June things will start shaking out and it might be a good time to buy that house you want.

Me:

I have been watching. I was doing a search last night in fact. I am starting to see the cracks in the ice. Six months ago I was seeing the $600,000 houses drop price to $500,000.

He:

Big woopty.

Me:

Yeah, not very useful. But just now in the past couple weeks I have started seeing the $250,000 house drop to $200,000. There are even a handful for less than $200,000 come onto the market. We might just see the starter houses become affordable again this year.

He:

That is what we need. Get those $250,000 houses back down to $175,000 and people might be able to afford to live here again.

He:

I can't believe how short peoples memories are. I still remember what happened right after Vietnam. The economy was in the shitter. LBJ spent all our money in Vietnam and there was nothing left for ourselves. The same thing is happening in Iraq.

Me:

Only more so.

He:

Yeah, more so. George is throwing money away in spades. Do you remember what happened back in the 70s? Back in 1978 and 1979?

Me:

Not much economically. The word stagflation comes to mind.

He:

In 1979 the interest rate was 16%. No one could borrow any money without these incredible fees on it. The government had to do it, they had to charge these huge interest rates to try to make back some of the money that was thrown away in Vietnam.

He:

I'm starting to change my mind about switching banks?

Me:

Oh?

He:

The big question right now is which banks are going to still be here in a year. Ever wonder how Glacier Bank got so big so fast? I bet they were dealing in those shady loans. If so, they are going to take it hard too. So I want to wait and figure out who is going to buy out whom and which banks will be left standing in a year.

Labels: affordable, bank, conversation, economy, mortgage, real estate, recession

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:07 AM 0 comments

2007 was a good year

She:

I don't think I am going to do that on New Years anymore. The couple years I have done it have been fun and all, but the people are such grouches. I am so tired of hanging out with angry or uptight people. How can they live like that? How can they be so negative all the time? It's depressing.

Me:

I think they don't realize what they are doing or the effect they are having on others.

She:

Well, your phone message was the most cheerful part of New Years for me. I like calling you, you are always so upbeat and positive.

I have been hearing a lot of anecdotal stories from friends and blogs and news pundits about what a crappy year 2007 was. I believe it too. Every single thing that the mob mentions as a point of pain really truly is a sucky thing.

Well enough. I have had some sucky points in my year too. In 2007 I encountered a couple shit storms that will take a while before the stains get scrubbed out.

I stand by my headline. 2007 was a good year. I had a good year because I wanted to have a good year. I made it a point to smile a lot and find fun in small moments. I went about my work and my life with a sense of joy and cheer. I reveled in the richness of challenge and adversity. It worked. I had a good year because I wanted to have a good year.

Now that I know the trick, I am going to have a good year in 2008 too.

Labels: 2007, attitude, conversation, good

Posted by: Montana Jones / 3:25 PM 0 comments

Moms computer

Mom:

These things just pop up on my screen and I don't know what they are or what to do about them. Computers confuse me.

Me:

Yeah, most of this crap you have been seeing is some of your software asking permission to check for or download upgrades off the net.

Mom:

So what do I do? I don't want things downloading and changing on me. I am confused enough without my programs changing themselves.

Me:

My rule of thumb is that if you system is working and doing what you want it to do, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. When a program pops up and asks to download something, just say no. Refusing to let your programs talk to the mothership will not hurt anything.

Mom:

Good. That's what I will do then.

Me:

But the rule of thumb has exceptions. Mainly operating system upgrades and other security stuff like your anti virus.

Mom:

Well, now I'm confused again. How do I know which of these to say yes to?

Me:

Well, I have your critical upgrades set to happen automatically in the background, so you shouldn't ever see them. You are safe saying no to everything that pops up and wants your attention.

Mom:

I really hate this Vista. I was just getting comfortable with my old computer when Dad replaced it with this one, and this one makes everything so hard. I just don't understand it.

Me:

I know. It is really a bad time to buy a computer right now. Microsoft won't let retailers sell anything except Vista, you can't get the older, better systems anymore. If we had known that the new computer was going to be this big of a turd we would have gotten you a Macintosh.

Labels: computer, confusion, conversation, frustration, geek, Microsoft, mom, Vista

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:48 PM 0 comments

You meet the nicest people while flying

She:

How was the flight?

Me:

It was excellent. The lady that sat next to me; we didn't speak a single word the entire flight.

She:

Well, that's good I suppose.

Me:

Yeah, I wasn't interested in the small talk and pretending to care about whatever she had going on with her life and I got the impression that she felt the same. So we made it through a two hour flight without speaking a single word to each other.

Labels: conversation, flying, silence, small talk, travel

Posted by: Montana Jones / 6:24 PM 1 comments

An engagement

Friend:

I don't know, I don't think I will ever get married. How about this? If we are both still single in twenty years, lets just you and I hang out together.

Me:

That's a deal. Let's see, twenty years, we will be about sixty. I'll look you up when I hit sixty and take you up on it.

Other friend:

I think I need to rush home and tell my wife that I just witnessed your engagement.

Me:

Ummmm,

Friend:

Uh, no. I just said hang out. No marriage, we are just going to hang out together.

Labels: conversation, friends, marriage, single

Posted by: Montana Jones / 1:50 PM 0 comments

Oh Baby! My ass is going to be on fire tonight!

She:

This is really a workout. I can feel it my calves and hamstrings.

Me:

Yeah, you are setting a strong pace.

She:

Oh Baby! My ass is going to be on fire tonight!

Me:

LOL!

She:

I mean, uh, I didn't mean it quite like that.

Me:

Ha!

Labels: ache, ass, conversation, funny, hike, trail

Posted by: Montana Jones / 1:20 PM 2 comments

Leaky head gaskets

He:

So you are going to _ for the holiday?

Me:

Maybe, I might be changing my plans.

He:

Oh?

Me:

I have leaky head gaskets.

He:

That's not so good. I've never heard of a Subaru having that problem.

Me:

Well, according to my guy at the shop, it's actually a pretty common problem for this car.

He:

Really?

Me:

It's even covered under factory warranty up to 100 thousand miles.

He:

That's good.

Me:

Not really, I'm at 112.

He:

That's not good.

Me:

I'm told that it will probably be a $3,000 repair.

He:

Ouch.

Me:

The dealership quoted me a 1500 estimate. I think I have more homework to do.

He:

Well, that's better.

Me:

Yeah, makes it sound downright decent by comparison.

Labels: car, conversation, estimate, mechanic, repair, travel, vehicle

Posted by: Montana Jones / 4:09 PM 1 comments

The Tao of Jones

She:

I've never asked, what is your faith?

Me:

I'm pretty much a Jonesist.

She:

What is that?

Me:

Well, it's about 50% agnostic, about 25% atheist, perhaps a little more. It's got about 15% Judeo Christian from the culture I've been brought up in. About 5% Buddhist, another 5% of Islam and the rest is a mix of Pagan and Bahai and Wiccan and whatever other religions I have been exposed to through the years.

She:

For a minute there I thought Jonesist meant you thought of yourself as a deity.

Me:

Not so much. While I have created many things in my life I have never created a universe. Most recently I made a batch of mustard.

She:

They say that the kingdom of heaven can exist in a mustard seed.

Me:

Hmmm. Well perhaps I am a deity then. A god to whatever universe exists in that pot of mustard.

Labels: agnostic, atheist, conversation, deity, faith, mustard, religion

Posted by: Montana Jones / 4:12 PM 0 comments