Montana Jones

Most snow

Me:

It's the most snow I have ever opened up in.

Older Generation:

Sure.

Me:

And A_ said it was the most snow he has ever seen at opening.

OG:

Can't be that bad.

Me:

Mom said it was the second most snow she has ever opened up in; with the most being when she was a kid in 1954.

OG:

Well, she was shorter then.

Labels: conversation, history, mom, opening, snow, work

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:30 PM 0 comments

Moms computer

Mom:

These things just pop up on my screen and I don't know what they are or what to do about them. Computers confuse me.

Me:

Yeah, most of this crap you have been seeing is some of your software asking permission to check for or download upgrades off the net.

Mom:

So what do I do? I don't want things downloading and changing on me. I am confused enough without my programs changing themselves.

Me:

My rule of thumb is that if you system is working and doing what you want it to do, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. When a program pops up and asks to download something, just say no. Refusing to let your programs talk to the mothership will not hurt anything.

Mom:

Good. That's what I will do then.

Me:

But the rule of thumb has exceptions. Mainly operating system upgrades and other security stuff like your anti virus.

Mom:

Well, now I'm confused again. How do I know which of these to say yes to?

Me:

Well, I have your critical upgrades set to happen automatically in the background, so you shouldn't ever see them. You are safe saying no to everything that pops up and wants your attention.

Mom:

I really hate this Vista. I was just getting comfortable with my old computer when Dad replaced it with this one, and this one makes everything so hard. I just don't understand it.

Me:

I know. It is really a bad time to buy a computer right now. Microsoft won't let retailers sell anything except Vista, you can't get the older, better systems anymore. If we had known that the new computer was going to be this big of a turd we would have gotten you a Macintosh.

Labels: computer, confusion, conversation, frustration, geek, Microsoft, mom, Vista

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:48 PM 0 comments

Someone I should meet

Mom:

So who is the young lady I keep hearing about. The one you have been seen with now and again?

Me:

That must be Z_ from Helena.

Mom:

Is this someone I should meet?

Me:

I dunno. I really don't see it becoming long term serious or anything, but she is a cool friend. About once a month or so we will take turns making the drive and visiting.

Mom:

Well that's nice. I guess Helena isn't too bad of a drive.

Me:

No, not too bad. But I keep thinking it would be nice if I could make friends in the same city I live in.

Labels: conversation, friends, girls, Helena, mom

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:46 AM 1 comments

Do not leave candle burning unattended

A little lake of wax had congealed a selection of pens, old receipts and posty notes together. I muttered "Oh Shit" to myself, but the time to do anything about it was long past. My eyes traced the path of drippings from the mass of desktop clutter, up the side of the power strip, dangling stalactites from the desk hutch, puddles molded around the modems feet and a greasy crust covering it's surface. Green LED lights still blinking their connective cheer. Embedded into the plastic top of the modem was a warning label, "Do not leave candle burning unattended", the words slightly obscured by a burn mark scorching a line through the wax, pointing toward a melted hole. The charred rift in the cover of the electronics revealed the spidery little microchips inside, apparently undisturbed.

All the worst case scenarios then flooded my mind. The modem could have caught fire while I was sleeping, taking with it the desk hutch, books, monitor, clutter of papers and eventually the entire apartment. The fact that it didn't happen that way was some consolation. But it could have been much worse. The smoke detector has had the battery removed for some time now. It has a habit of sounding the alarm every time I use the kitchen. Every one of the two dozen fire extinguishers I own was at the office, miles away. Note to self; store some of those extinguishers around here in the off season.

As I chiseled away at the waxy blobs on my desk I flashed back to a conversation with dad not so long ago. "Your mom is getting more like grandma was," he said. "More forgetful." I pictured grandma in my mind, the white haired bundle of energy always flitting from thing to thing, from one idea to the next. Never settling for long, rarely concluding a task. It was a family trait, I could see it in mom and I could see some of it in myself too.

"Uh, huh." I said, not sure if I liked where dad was going with this.

"The other day she went out for her walk after putting the kettle on high. If I hadn't come downstairs when I did it could have been much worse."

I pictured a kettle of water on a hot stove. I'm sure the water would boil away sooner or later but I didn't think it would catch fire any too quickly. Mom would have been back in a half hour, caught it, cursed herself and moved on. I didn't want to push the issue with dad, he was convinced of the imminent doom.

"She still has it together enough, but we use our cell phones a lot. We check in any time we go some place, like when I leave the shop or something. I have to remind her of things she forgets at the store. I am still okay with her driving, I am okay with her going into Missoula, but she is getting older."

"You know that she watches out for you too, right?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm just saying."

It would be pointless to try to explain how we are all a little like grandma. Dad had his "I'm right and the world ain't" ax to grind. Pointing out his own foibles would just make him think I was missing the point and not worrying about mom enough.

Yeah dad, I do worry about mom. And I worry about you too. But you guys are doing just fine leaning on each other. Mostly I am worried about me. Especially since I nearly burnt my place down from my own absentmindedness.

Labels: absentminded, accident, candle, dad, fire, mom, prose, wax

Posted by: Montana Jones / 6:38 AM 2 comments

Birthdays don't stop

Mom:

And dad has a birthday coming up in a couple weeks too.

Me:

Oh yeah, that's right.

Mom:

It's his 68th.

Dad:

There won't be a party.

Me:

No worries. I'll do the partying for you.

Mom:

Right on.

Me:

Wait a minute. Did you say 68?

Dad:

Yeah. Want to make something of it?

Me:

What are you doing in your sixties? Weren't you guys just in your fifties the other year?

Mom:

Yeah. 18 years ago.

Me:

Sheesh. I can't keep up.

Labels: age, birthday, conversation, dad, mom

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:46 AM 0 comments

House Plant

Mom:

I had to take a closer look at that plant. I thought it might be something you are not supposed to have.

Me:

Oh.

Mom:

So what kind of plant is it?

Me:

It's something I'm not supposed to have.

Mom:

Oh really? I thought those were supposed to have five leaves.

Dad:

It does. This top one has five. Those lower ones only have three.

Mom:

Why do you have it?

Me:

It's green, it's winter. Everyone needs a plant.

Mom:

So what are you going to do with it?

Me:

When it gets big enough I am going to chop it down and smoke it. What should I do with it?

Mom:

Oh, I don't know. Put it in your brownies.

Me:

I like the way you think.

Mom:

Where did you get it?

Me:

From little seeds. I stuck 'em in dirt and up popped a plant.

Mom:

Where did you get the seeds?

Dad:

You shouldn't leave it in the window like that. It could make some people uptight.

Me:

Yeah, when it gets big enough to see from outside I will do something with it. Most people are not too uptight about what sort of houseplants you keep.

Dad:

Well, the war on drugs makes criminals out of harmless things. So be careful.

Me:

I hear you.

Dad:

This war on drugs is just wasting money on putting people in jail when they should be getting medical treatment. And the medical treatment could get paid for if they just tax and regulate marijuana rather than criminalize it.

Me:

Preaching to the choir here dad. Treating alcoholism like a disease has been way more effective than prohibition. Except that tax revenue and regulation are not the best reasons to legalize. Good reasons, but not the best reason for it.

Dad:

Oh?

Me:

Liberty and freedom. If this were a free country a harmless house plant wouldn't be a crime.

Labels: conversation, criminal, dad, drugs, house plant, mom, opinion, prohibition, war on drugs

Posted by: Montana Jones / 4:49 PM 0 comments