Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Monday, February 23, 2009

1969 was a very good year

  • In 1969, man first walked on the moon.
  • In 1969 the first packet switched router connected two computers on different ends of the country.
  • In 1969 Monty Python's Flying Circus first aired in the UK.
  • In 1969 the Boeing 747 jumbo jet took its first flight.
  • In 1969 the first Automatic Teller Machine was installed.
  • In 1969 the first album in the heavy metal genre was released (Led Zepplin I).

Oh yeah, and in 1969 some guy named Jones was born. This blog is no longer the adventures of a thirty-something guy. It is now the adventures of a forty-something guy.

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Presidents Day

Dear President Obama,

Happy Presidents Day!

All that hard work has finally paid off for you, congratulations, your very first Presidents Day holiday all for yourself. I can't wait to see what sort of things you intend to do with your day. Barbecues? Fireworks? Parades? Painted eggs?

This is a big opportunity for you to make all sorts of new traditions. If I may be so bold, I would like to lobby for some new Presidents Day traditions you could get the ball rolling on.

Better presidents day cards would be cool. I am getting tired of getting these cards in the store and having to draw the Lincoln stovepipe hat on the naked dude shooting the arrows. How about some Presidents Day cards that are not so much work? Now I understand that Presidents day cards may be a little self serving, since you are pretty much the only person that will be getting them. I bet you are dodging this issue just to look a little more egalitarian.

So if cards are out, I think the thing that would be the most awesomest for Presidents Day would be chocolate presidents. Everyone would love 'em. Who wouldn't want to bite a chocolate president? Except, well, I wouldn't want anyone to think this was a black thing. Er, sorry, I mean an African American thing. You gotta be egalitarian, right? Must be sort of a burden to be the nations first chocolate president. But that is sort of funny though, isn't it? I bet all those republicans would like to lick a chocolate president right now. You licked them good in November. Er, sorry, that didn't come out right either. I didn't want to suggest that you, or anyone else for that matter, would ever want to lick a republican. Well, maybe if they had a nougat center and a creamy milk chocolate skin. Er, sorry, that didn't sound right either. I don't want to make this a black thing. I have lots of friends who are black. Really.

So maybe chocolate presidents are a bad idea too. Do you think that with your egalitarian goals perhaps Presidents Day ought to get moved to a different month? (you know, not black history month.) You wouldn't want it to look like you are trying to hog too many holidays.

I will get back to the drawing board for some more good Presidents Day ideas for you. There are some holidays that do great things with food. Painting eggs or carving up pumpkins. Lots of holidays have the barbecues going on, so that is getting a little cliche. How about a nice lasagna? I will get to work on your new tradition right away.

Happy Presidents Day.
Montana Jones

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Friday, February 06, 2009


Ever have one of those self awareness moments where you suddenly realized you were doing something you did not know you were doing? I recently caught myself stumbling over this pile of crap in my living room. I have to laugh at myself for stumbling over some crap again and again and not doing anything about it. I'm going to file that one under 'things a bachelor can get away with.' The part that really caught me off guard was that this pile of crap was all shoes.

Who the hell lives here? Imelda Marcos?

The reason that all these shoes are in a pile in my living room is because I have worn them all recently. It's not like I have a closet full of high heel, open toe fashion accessories waiting to be worn once and put aside. I freakin' use all these. Is that weird? Is it unmanly? Are there people that can get by with only a couple pairs of shoes? I dunno.

  1. The new running shoes. Not too many miles on them yet. Used most recently for playing racquetball.
  2. The old hiking boots. The sole is worn, the waterproofing is shot, the stitching is breaking apart, the lining is torn and ratty. But much loved and have carried me many a weary mile. I am now trying to figure out where old boots go when they die.
  3. The new Christmas gift shoes. Comfy and easy to slip in and out of. An easy shoe for wintry weather.
  4. Converse all stars. Cool, hip, fashionable, and fairly new. Perhaps these should be in the closet. I probably won't be wearing them again until the weather warms up and dries out.
  5. The old running shoes. These dudes carried me through the Seattle Marathon several years ago. They are now my everyday sneaker.
  6. I pulled these sneakers out of the closet to make some winter skydives. Boots with hooks for the laces are a poor safety choice and I needed something heavier and warmer than a running shoe for landing in the snow.
  7. The new boots. Brand spanking new hikers. I just spent the better part of a week waterproofing them and sealing the seams. They went for the first walk across town the other day. I can only hope they will carry me as far as the old hiking boots did.

I just made a cursory glance at my closet, only five more pairs of shoes in there. Dress shoes, sandals, field cleats, worn out trail runners and some sneakers that never did fit right.

Ladies, for the record, if you have in your closet a pair of high heel, black leather, calf high boots that you almost never wear but they go oh-so-well with that one skirt… That is okay with me. I understand. I was window shopping the other day and saw a pair of cowboy boots and thought to myself "Oooh!" Is that bad?

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