Montana Jones

1969 was a very good year

• In 1969, man first walked on the moon.
• In 1969 the first packet switched router connected two computers on different ends of the country.
• In 1969 Monty Python's Flying Circus first aired in the UK.
• In 1969 the Boeing 747 jumbo jet took its first flight.
• In 1969 the first Automatic Teller Machine was installed.
• In 1969 the first album in the heavy metal genre was released (Led Zepplin I).

Oh yeah, and in 1969 some guy named Jones was born. This blog is no longer the adventures of a thirty-something guy. It is now the adventures of a forty-something guy.

Labels: 1969, age, aircraft, ATM, birthday, first, Montana Jones, Music

Posted by: Montana Jones / 5:16 PM 4 comments

Code of Conduct

While I have not yet received any death threats for my blogging, the issue is pretty hot these days. I figure I better lay the groundwork in case some sociopath drops by and starts intimidating everyone. So here are the rules that I will enforce to make sure the Montana Jones blog stays a nice and civil place.

No Spam.
If I think you are selling something or just being a link whore I will delete your comment. If you think I am selling something you might be right. Your rights include buying it, not buying it, going to some other website, or turning off your computer and going outside for a while.

Be friendly.
You know how everyone in Montana waves at you as you drive past. Even if you don't know them. Often with that two fingers raised from the steering wheel salute. A friendly wave is mandatory on this blog. What? Is your hand broken? I think you can lift a finger from that mouse to give the good folk who stop by here a wave.

No speaking ill of anyone's mother.
You keep my mother out of it and I won't bring up your mother.

No stupidity.
If you post a stupid comment I will either delete it in order to remove a tiny bit or stupidity from the universe, or leave it up as proof of your stupidity. If I post anything stupid you are obviously mistaken.

Do as I say, not as I do.
This being a free internet and all I'm gonna do whatever I want with my own little corner of it. I will probably adhere to everything on this list, 'cause that's just the way I roll. But if I end up breaking any of these rules, tough titties. Go get your own blog. See also my manifesto.

Do not reference a television show to make a point.
It's kind of like that time on Star Trek where they had to do the thing to the thing. Yeah. This is just like that.

No double dog daring.
If you want to place a dare on this blog, you may bring it up. You may even double dare. But double dog daring is right out. That's just silly. What the hell is a dog dare anyway? I don't even own a pet. And if you cross the line into triple dog daring, well, you are just asking to be moderated.

You may not criticize Star Wars.
Yeah, I know, The pre-trilogy sucked. This is common knowledge and we do not need to hash it out again and again. That said, you may not criticize Star Wars. The Star Wars hero mythology and the good vs. evil battle are an integral part of my youth. It is a deeply cherished memory of good times and I intend to continue cherishing it well into old age. Criticizing Star Wars will not be tolerated here. (Except to reiterate that Han shot first.)

You must be naked to comment.
Hey, I try to post naked, I think you should too. For proof just whip out the digital camera and send photos to my Email address. Thanks.

No posting while drunk.
Unless you brought enough booze for everyone.

No Leet Speak.
1f j00Z 7h1nk 7h15 ru|3 sUX0Rs, 60 b4ck 70 5K00| 4nd L34R|\| 3n6|15h.

Please limit yourself to one smiley or emoticon per paragraph.
Montana Jones is about serious discussions only. Littering up the comments with cute little symbols will make this place look like a hang out for teenage girls. So an occasional wink ;-) or smile :-) or four eyed geek 8-) is acceptable when clarifying the emotion behind a statement, abuse of smiley's will be moderated. And please don't sign your comments with a rose. @--`--,-- That's just cliché.

Bribery earns extra privileges.
Gas, grass or ass. No one rides for free.

No bureaucracy.
Do you realize how badly my spell checker chokes on the word bureaucracy? When I get that bureau prefix wrong (like "beaurocracy" or "beurocracy") my spell checker just chokes. It can't suggest anything to get it right. And like any word with lots of vowels I am constantly misspelling it. I have to keep going back to the old school paper dictionary for it, like I did just now. I have put four check marks in my dictionary next to bureaucracy; it is one of my all time most misspelled words ever. I think it will be easier if we just ban the word.

Thank you for abiding by this code of conduct. I'm sure you will agree that voluntarily adhering to these guidelines will make this blog a better place.

Montana Jones

Labels: blog, code of conduct, moderation, Montana Jones, regulations, rules

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:29 AM 2 comments

From my outbox

Breaking anonymity is a trust thing you see. And I am probably being over protective. Perhaps paranoid is the right word. I have been very cautious and protective of my Montana Jones identity. I do not fear you coming from across town and lurking in my bushes, peering in my windows, watching me masturbate, bathe, prepare meals, daydream or live my life. The blogging in fact is about being able to share these intimate moments of privacy through art and expression and find a greater meaning in them. But this needs to happen in an appropriate context. I would never go to a design meeting with a client and ramble on about bedroom emotions, vacation adventures or finding casserole dishes. That could damage an otherwise positive business relationship. That would be out of context. Just because I can say something expressive about casserole dishes does not mean that I should do it everywhere. And that is the crazy thing about the internet; for better or worse it is everywhere. What I fear from revealing my true identity is not being stalked by you or meeting you or having you learn that I prefer to sleep in the buff; but that you would be able to expose me on some forum of the internet. Then the only control I would have over being seen as a professional or as a freak that flaunts sleeping naked would be to stop using the internet for such a creative expression. That would make me sad. There is a time and a place for expressing rants and emotions and personal details, and times and places not to. The internet tears those walls down. Anonymity builds them up again.

Labels: email, Montana Jones, outbox

Posted by: Montana Jones / 5:19 PM 2 comments

Montana Jones is a girl

I was pretty shocked to learn that myself. It was a significant moment in my life, as monumental as learning that the Easter Bunny is real and Bigfoot is fake. Or is that the other way around? Anyway I confirmed the truth of it with Google and now my world will never be the same.

Turns out I am cybersquatting on someone else's name. The real Montana Jones is a fine young lady living in Canada; and get this, she is a writer. She won a spiffy award for this excellent piece. She is also a festival organizer, a designer and a shepherd. I am having a hard time coming to grips with the idea that Montana Jones is cooler than Montana Jones. An identity crisis may be looming.

We have swapped some emails and we are both okay with sharing the name. She approves of the blog and my nom de plume. I approve of Montana Jones being a smart, funny, well spoken lady from the the north. And we both agree it is really weird to see Montana Jones in our inboxes. We might even start an exclusive club. The third member would be that awesome linebacker from the infamous Springdale Bulldogs in Arkansas.

Labels: girls, Montana Jones

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:49 AM 1 comments