Montana Jones

Shoes

Ever have one of those self awareness moments where you suddenly realized you were doing something you did not know you were doing? I recently caught myself stumbling over this pile of crap in my living room. I have to laugh at myself for stumbling over some crap again and again and not doing anything about it. I'm going to file that one under 'things a bachelor can get away with.' The part that really caught me off guard was that this pile of crap was all shoes.

Who the hell lives here? Imelda Marcos?

The reason that all these shoes are in a pile in my living room is because I have worn them all recently. It's not like I have a closet full of high heel, open toe fashion accessories waiting to be worn once and put aside. I freakin' use all these. Is that weird? Is it unmanly? Are there people that can get by with only a couple pairs of shoes? I dunno.

1. The new running shoes. Not too many miles on them yet. Used most recently for playing racquetball.
2. The old hiking boots. The sole is worn, the waterproofing is shot, the stitching is breaking apart, the lining is torn and ratty. But much loved and have carried me many a weary mile. I am now trying to figure out where old boots go when they die.
3. The new Christmas gift shoes. Comfy and easy to slip in and out of. An easy shoe for wintry weather.
4. Converse all stars. Cool, hip, fashionable, and fairly new. Perhaps these should be in the closet. I probably won't be wearing them again until the weather warms up and dries out.
5. The old running shoes. These dudes carried me through the Seattle Marathon several years ago. They are now my everyday sneaker.
6. I pulled these sneakers out of the closet to make some winter skydives. Boots with hooks for the laces are a poor safety choice and I needed something heavier and warmer than a running shoe for landing in the snow.
7. The new boots. Brand spanking new hikers. I just spent the better part of a week waterproofing them and sealing the seams. They went for the first walk across town the other day. I can only hope they will carry me as far as the old hiking boots did.

I just made a cursory glance at my closet, only five more pairs of shoes in there. Dress shoes, sandals, field cleats, worn out trail runners and some sneakers that never did fit right.

Ladies, for the record, if you have in your closet a pair of high heel, black leather, calf high boots that you almost never wear but they go oh-so-well with that one skirt… That is okay with me. I understand. I was window shopping the other day and saw a pair of cowboy boots and thought to myself "Oooh!" Is that bad?

Labels: boots, closet, crap, hiking, photo, running, shoes

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:36 AM 2 comments

Thank You

Dear _her and _he,

This is a thank you note for the super spiffy Christmas gift. I apologize for procrastinating my gratitude like some nine-year-old that can't quite figure out the importance of thanking Aunt Edna for the gawdaful sweater. But I have a good excuse. I have been too busy enjoying my new shoes.

As _R will attest, I am fiercely picky about my footwear. When I opened the box I gave the shoes a long sideways glance of skepticism. But in the spirit of optimism and gifts gladly given I tried them on. It was a delight to discover that your choice in footgear completely and totally rocks! They are comfy, convenient, and fit like I have been wearing them my whole life.

Mere moments ago I slipped them on to traverse the snowy driveway and deliver a bag of trash to its receptacle. Without your gift that would have been a five minute ordeal of finding and lacing up some other kicks. But that's not all… I have also used these shoes to trample paths through the snow for little old ladies trying to navigate their walkers in the cold harsh outdoors. I have used these shoes as a template for a new line of fashion accessories I am designing. I have used these shoes to chock the tires of a runaway school bus, saving the lives of dozens of children. I have used these shoes as a counterweight in an extensive series of scientific experiments that chart the origin of black holes. (Turns out they have the perfect mass for offsetting the antimatter created by the Large Hadron Collider. Who knew?) I have used these shoes to trample the evil intentions of third world dictators while on secret assignment with the CIA. They even look stylish when I am on stage performing sold out shows with my rock band.

So I apologize for being a little late with the thank you note. I certainly don't want you to think the gift is unappreciated. I think the shoes are fantastic and I know I will be wearing them for years to come. I also think the two of you are fantastic for thinking of me this past Christmas. Aunt Edna, on the other hand, well, her sweater will make a great polishing rag for my awesome new shoes.

Yours in gratitude,
Montana Jones

Labels: Christmas, gift, good, gratitude, letter, note, shoes, thank you

Posted by: Montana Jones / 1:49 PM 0 comments