Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Thank You

Dear _her and _he,

This is a thank you note for the super spiffy Christmas gift. I apologize for procrastinating my gratitude like some nine-year-old that can't quite figure out the importance of thanking Aunt Edna for the gawdaful sweater. But I have a good excuse. I have been too busy enjoying my new shoes.

As _R will attest, I am fiercely picky about my footwear. When I opened the box I gave the shoes a long sideways glance of skepticism. But in the spirit of optimism and gifts gladly given I tried them on. It was a delight to discover that your choice in footgear completely and totally rocks! They are comfy, convenient, and fit like I have been wearing them my whole life.

Mere moments ago I slipped them on to traverse the snowy driveway and deliver a bag of trash to its receptacle. Without your gift that would have been a five minute ordeal of finding and lacing up some other kicks. But that's not all… I have also used these shoes to trample paths through the snow for little old ladies trying to navigate their walkers in the cold harsh outdoors. I have used these shoes as a template for a new line of fashion accessories I am designing. I have used these shoes to chock the tires of a runaway school bus, saving the lives of dozens of children. I have used these shoes as a counterweight in an extensive series of scientific experiments that chart the origin of black holes. (Turns out they have the perfect mass for offsetting the antimatter created by the Large Hadron Collider. Who knew?) I have used these shoes to trample the evil intentions of third world dictators while on secret assignment with the CIA. They even look stylish when I am on stage performing sold out shows with my rock band.

So I apologize for being a little late with the thank you note. I certainly don't want you to think the gift is unappreciated. I think the shoes are fantastic and I know I will be wearing them for years to come. I also think the two of you are fantastic for thinking of me this past Christmas. Aunt Edna, on the other hand, well, her sweater will make a great polishing rag for my awesome new shoes.

Yours in gratitude,
Montana Jones

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