Montana Jones

Tea Party

I have a horrible urge to go to a local tea party with a giant banner that reads:

"But apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"

Someone stop me before I go get my ass kicked.

Labels: humor, Monty Python, politics, taxes, tea party, video, youtube

Posted by: Montana Jones / 11:30 AM 0 comments

I'm gonna miss Bush jokes

At one of his morning briefings president Bush was told that two Brazilian soldiers had been killed. To the surprise of his staff, Bush reacted quite shocked at the news. He had never had the same reaction to news of American deaths. After a few moments pause and reflection he turned to his staff and asked "How many are in a brazillion?"

So I went into the bar the other day where I found Bush and Cheney bellied up to the bar sipping their beers. I was so amazed to find them there I had to go up and ask "Hey aren't you guys the leaders of the free world? What are you doing here in my neighborhood bar?"

To which Bush replied "We like going to out of the way places like this to plan big things like our invasion of Iran."

"Whoa" says I, "Your are invading Iran?!? How is that going to happen?"

"Well," says Bush, "We plan to kill five hundred thousand Iranians and one bicycle repair man."

"No way!" says I, "Why would you kill a bicycle repair man?"

Bush then smacks Cheney on the arm and says "See! I told you no one would care about five hundred thousand dead Iranians."

Q. What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?

A. George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.

George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"

Labels: Bush, funny, humor, joke

Posted by: Montana Jones / 1:45 PM 2 comments

Sledding hill snow report

Greetings winter fun enthusiasts, this is Montana Jones with your sledding hill snow report.

Conditions have been deteriorating on sledding hill with temperatures rising up to freezing several times during the past week resulting in sloppy melting conditions. Top of the hill has a base of two inches of packed and icy snow and the bottom of the hill also has a base of two inches packed.

The main 'big run with the bump' has been worn down to bare grass and dirt and is no longer useful for sledding. There is no snow making planned for the run at this time. Ten feet to the south on the 'other big run', the one without the bump, conditions are icy and fast. Get on this one while you can as grass is starting to show through the thin layer of ice and packed snow.

To the north end of sledding hill on the shorter 'kiddy run' there is still a good layer of slick ice and snow. This part of the hill is smaller but the sledding is still fine. We have had reports from near the base of kiddy run of some dirty snow conditions. Miss Penny Rothchild has claims the cause of this condition is "dog doo". Young miss Rothchild has gone on to blame Joey Birchman saying "That stupid dog of his just runs all over the hill and digs and gets in everyone's way and Joey doesn't do anything about it and doesn't clean up after it or nothin'."

On the southern end of sledding hill several youngsters are reported to be doing their sledding down the 'climb up spot' and other less than ideal fringe locations. Mr Johnny Richman explains "It's because that one little girl tries to climb back up the sledding run, sometimes she just stands at the bottom and cries like a baby until her dad comes down to pull the sled back up. So we gotta go down the climb up spot. It's a little bumpy but it's still fun."

There have also been reports of yellow snow near the telephone pole at the top of the climb up spot. Joey Birchman denies that his dog has anything to do with it. For once Penny Rothchild agrees with him. She thinks that Joey himself is to blame.

Penny also wanted to add for the record "Someone should make those teenagers pick up their litter too. They can't ever put their pop cans in the trash and they are too old to be playing on sledding hill anyway."

That is your sledding hill snow report for the week. We are expecting some warmer temperatures, rain and possible light snow for the upcoming week, hopefully this will solve the yellow snow problem.

Happy sledding.

Labels: humor, sledding hill, snow

Posted by: Montana Jones / 10:14 AM 2 comments