Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


I blame Costco. It is far too easy to get sucked into the "oh yeah, that will be handy to have around" trap. While at the Costco I crossed the path of huge boxes of cheap bar soap. And what did I catch myself saying? "Hey yeah, I'm almost out of soap, that will be handy to have around."

Ordinarily I am an Ivory soap kinda guy. Plain, simple, gets you clean, no worries kind of soap. Simple is good. Now at the Costco I didn't see huge boxes of Ivory, so with a casual "heh, soap is soap" I grabbed a huge box of Irish Spring. (If you are unfamiliar with Costco, packages there are sized 'huge', 'gargantuan', and 'forklift required', the small option does not exist.) And thus I go happily on my way with a supply of soap that ought to last me a year.

Well, time wears on and the last bar of Ivory soap dwindles down to a little chip and then breaks in half and I get all excited about pulling out the first bar from my new stockpile. Irish Spring, unfortunately, is nothing like Ivory. It is bright blue and it stinks to high heaven. God only knows what sort of chemicals they injected into that innocent bar of soap to give it such properties and in my ignorance I actually rubbed those chemicals all over my body.

Since getting out of the shower there has been this nasty perfume smell following me everywhere. The bathroom reeks like the guy that can't stop with cologne already. My skin feels like it has been coated with wax. I am even starting to itch in places I can't scratch, (although that may just be a psychosomatic symptom). I feel DIRTY. Aaaarrgh. And there is no way for me to bathe this dirty feel off. I might have to go outside and roll in the driveway to make it go away.

I may be able to salvage that last tiny chip of Ivory and this week wont be the first time I have bathed with shampoo for lack of something better. But what in the hell am I gonna do with this huge supply of nasty soap?

Soap sculptures?

Do they have a shelter where you are? Soap keeps so I would imagine they wouldn't mind taking it off your hands. Just a thought.
Find someone stinky and drop them a not so subtle hint???
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I am allergic to Irish Spring.

So, don't send that stuff to me!

But I know of some people who honestly haven't bathed/showered in a while (and they have the hair to prove it). Perhaps give some to them?
LOL i'll take it. send it to me. i use the green irish spring bars. not sure if there is any differnece from the blue.
Avoid Zest as well.
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