Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.
Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I blame Costco. It is far too easy to get sucked into the "oh yeah, that will be handy to have around" trap. While at the Costco I crossed the path of huge boxes of cheap bar soap. And what did I catch myself saying? "Hey yeah, I'm almost out of soap, that will be handy to have around."
Ordinarily I am an Ivory soap kinda guy. Plain, simple, gets you clean, no worries kind of soap. Simple is good. Now at the Costco I didn't see huge boxes of Ivory, so with a casual "heh, soap is soap" I grabbed a huge box of Irish Spring. (If you are unfamiliar with Costco, packages there are sized 'huge', 'gargantuan', and 'forklift required', the small option does not exist.) And thus I go happily on my way with a supply of soap that ought to last me a year.
Well, time wears on and the last bar of Ivory soap dwindles down to a little chip and then breaks in half and I get all excited about pulling out the first bar from my new stockpile. Irish Spring, unfortunately, is nothing like Ivory. It is bright blue and it stinks to high heaven. God only knows what sort of chemicals they injected into that innocent bar of soap to give it such properties and in my ignorance I actually rubbed those chemicals all over my body.
Since getting out of the shower there has been this nasty perfume smell following me everywhere. The bathroom reeks like the guy that can't stop with cologne already. My skin feels like it has been coated with wax. I am even starting to itch in places I can't scratch, (although that may just be a psychosomatic symptom). I feel DIRTY. Aaaarrgh. And there is no way for me to bathe this dirty feel off. I might have to go outside and roll in the driveway to make it go away.
I may be able to salvage that last tiny chip of Ivory and this week wont be the first time I have bathed with shampoo for lack of something better. But what in the hell am I gonna do with this huge supply of nasty soap?
So, don't send that stuff to me!
But I know of some people who honestly haven't bathed/showered in a while (and they have the hair to prove it). Perhaps give some to them?
There is more Jones in the archives: February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2014