Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.
Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.
Monday, February 11, 2008
I have been three years in Montana. Three years in this apartment. The clutter stands as testament. That pile of consumed magazines has changed from a good intention to recycle to the spot that I toss the next magazine; and in my minds eye it is invisible. Along with the dusty crud on the floor by the fridge and the piles of office work and the piles of printer cartridges. It's like my home has become stale. Even the view out my window feels tired.
Part of it is the winter doldrums. That malaise that comes across me this time of year when it is dark and cold all the time and nothing sounds good. Another part of it is complacency. Three years in the same home is 1095 days and counting. When I moved in I had big plans, buying furniture, self improvement, lofty goals. Eleven hundred days later and I still don't have a couch or a bookshelf.
Complacency is not mustering the enthusiasm to recognize what I learned today. Complacency is not bothering to try a new recipe for dinner. Complacency is keeping all my books in boxes. Complacency is forgetting to notice when the world around me changes. Complacency is when I forget to enjoy my good deeds and just do them out of habit. Complacency is the dead bugs on the windowsill that I will deal with when spring comes or when I get that new vacuum cleaner or when I realize that they have been there for a fucking year and a half. Complacency is going through the same motions as last year.
Life is not bad. Things are going well in fact. I have just become complacent.
There is more Jones in the archives: February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2014