Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Ephemera

If the country is in such a horrible credit crisis, why am I still getting all these annoying credit card offers in the mail?

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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Vice President

She:
Wait, I don't get it. Don't you have to be a shareholder to be a director?
Lawyer:
No. You have to be a shareholder to vote for the directors, but a director does not have to be a shareholder.
She:
So we can put Jones on the board of directors?
Lawyer:
Yes. In fact you have to do either that, or elect someone else, or amend the corporate bylaws so that there are only two directors. You will have to do one of those at this meeting.
Me:
Just one question? What does a director do? What are the responsibilities?
He:
Not much. The directors just tell others what to do.
Lawyer:
The board of directors will set the direction for the company. They will approve requisitions and purchases and so forth. Legally they will have the right to speak for the company, like in securing a bank loan or some such thing, a director can sign those documents.
He:
Mostly they just appoint officers and employees to do the actual work.
Me:
So the board of directors basically sits around and thinks big thoughts, then tells everyone else what to do.
He:
You got it.
Lawyer:
The directors will also vote for officers, which your company needs three; a president, a vice president and a secretary/treasurer.
He:
Sounds like a summer club house where the kids get together and say "Hey I'm gonna be president and you be vice president and we aren't gonna let girls join."
Lawyer:
Yeah, it's a lot like that only with more money involved. So how do you want to arrange officers?
She:
Well, I'm happy with how you have handled the secretary/treasurer bit, why don't you just keep that up.
He:
Okay.
Lawyer:
So who gets president and vice president?
Me:
You have seniority, you be president.
She:
Okay.
Me:
Wait. What does the president and vice president do?
Lawyer:
Mainly the president will run the meetings and the vice president will take over in the presidents' absence. The officers also have some powers, you will have the ability to call a meeting of the directors.
Me:
So I can call you guys together if I ever want to show off how many Jell-O shots I can do?
Lawyer:
Yep.
Me:
Sweet! I'm in.
Lawyer:
Congratulations on your appointment Mr. Vice President.
Me:
Thanks. Do I get a special hat or a cookie or something?

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Hiring

He:
So are you one of those that hire all the Russian kids?
Me:
No that's the ski resort. It's less paperwork to hire domestically so I prefer that, but I will hire foreigners if I have to.
He:
Why do they have to do that?
Me:
Because Americans are not taking the jobs. I have been recruiting up a storm for the past couple months and I don't have enough applications right now.

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