Montana Jones

Bear Bells

Lady:

What do you think of bear bells?

Me:

Well, bear bells started getting used after some amazing discoveries were made by bear researchers back in the early sixties. A study was made that had some very controversial results, so controversial that it was never widely published. It turns out that the grizzly bear has a deep, instinctive fear of Santa Claus. The jingle bells that campers carry around strikes fear into the heart of the bear. It is a little known fact that wearing a red stocking cap with white trim affects bears in the same way and has the exact same bear deterrent capabilities as bear bells do.

Lady:

(laugh) And the hat is probably less annoying too.

Me:

The hat is definitely less annoying.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:42 AM 0 comments

Things

Things I am looking forward to doing when I get some downtime. (Only two weeks away.)

Cooking dinner.
I have had about enough of these damn convenience foods and frozen pizza dinners and frozen nuke-a-whatever for chow. My gourmet home cooked dinner will involve some time consuming marinade action, chopping and stirring, fresh veggies, a salad (can you believe it, I am actually craving a freakin' salad), and probably a bottle of wine. Still undecided on the baked goods for dessert. Recipe suggestions welcome.

Watching a movie.
I don't know which movie. I don't even know if I want to go out or stay in and rent. All I know is that three uninterrupted hours dedicated solely to veggin' out sounds like grand luxury.

Shopping for a new vehicle.
Yep, the Jones-mobile is on the way out. The only real question is how much new car can I actually afford?

Clean the house.
Alert my mother, I actually WANT to do some cleaning. This place is a sty and I can't stand it anymore.

Go on a date.
I somehow found time for a date this summer. A second date with the same girl is very likely. If she has been patient with all my work that is. There is also another lady I have been swapping Emails with. The ex also hinted at getting together. Perhaps it is time to put some distance to the ex though. Meeting someone new sounds more fun.

A burger and a beer.
Not that I haven't had any burgers or beer this summer, but going out because I feel like it instead of because I need to eat before I fall over will be a nice change. Plus the luxury of having all evening to relax and enjoy dinner without any pressure to be somewhere else or get up early. Maybe I will have two or three beers with that burger.

Go jogging.
This one is strange to me. I have been spending all summer hiking and lifting heavy objects and yet my body is craving exercise. Whatever; I can roll with it.

Sleeping late.
I know myself well enough by now that sleeping late will probably consist of waking up at the usual time and lounging in bed for an hour until I get bored. All good though, it's living without the pressure of being somewhere that I am really looking forward to.

Play some video games.
After an intense summer of real life problem solving, I could use some virtual reality where the stakes for screwing up are not quite so high.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:15 PM 0 comments

Craigslist

I have been so damn busy I failed to notice that Montana now has a spot on Craigslist. When did this happen? I have high hopes for this. Let's get out there and rant and rave a little!

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:55 AM 1 comments

Judge, jury, and executioner

_B:

You ask, I'll tell.

Me:

What's up with &G?

_B:

He has been awful to everyone on the staff. Positively abusive to _D. No respect at all. He does his job like XXX. The girls keep doing part of his work because they are tired of things not getting done right.

Me:

Can you give me a specific example?

_B:

Yes, lots. For starters...

Later,

_D:

I'm sorry for calling you the other night, but I was just fed up with that damn kid.

Me:

Don't worry about it. I'm here for you at any hour for any reason.

_D:

I have tried to be patient and talk things over and work them out, but I can't stand the way he treats everyone here. He had ^K in tears the other night. His attitude just gives everyone headaches. I'm glad you're here. But you probably won't see his behavior though, whenever you or _L comes in it's like he switches to best behavior mode but the moment you leave it's all temper tantrums again.

Me:

Can you give me any examples of things he is doing wrong?

_D:

Well, there was the S* incident…

Later,

Me:

So, &G, thanks for taking the time to chat with me.

&G:

No problem, I was just going to shower, I've got time.

Me:

I'm troubled because I have been hearing poor things about your job performance and your attitude.

&G:

How so?

Me:

Well, the rest of the staff is having a lot of trouble working with you and relating to you.

&G:

They are not exactly easy to get along with either. I didn't think it was part of the job description that everyone has to like each other.

Me:

No, it's not, and this is the part of the summer when interpersonal problems tend to come to a head. I am just trying to hear all sides of the story. So tell me, what's the problem?

&G:

Well I don't really like all these people trying to tell me what to do all the time. I thought I was only supposed to have one boss up here, but all these girls are always getting in my business and telling me what to do and how to do it and stuff. I mean, I know my job, I don't need everyone getting in my face about it all the time.

Me:

When _D gives you instructions do you follow them?

&G:

Yes.

Me:

Fair enough. What is this I hear about making ^K cry?

&G:

That? Oh geeze, I can't even remember what the argument was about. I'm stuck here with all these emotional women and there are really no guys to relate to and they can't take a little pressure. I can't help it that girls get emotional over every little thing.

Later,

_D:

Did he make an excuse for everything like I told you he would?

Me:

Yes.

Later,

Me:

What's up?

_B:

We are all waiting to hear?

Me:

Hear what?

_B:

You know the outcome, the only thing everyone has been talking about here.

Me:

Okay, I guess you deserve to know. I am not convinced that &G has been told his job well enough or understands what is expected of him that he even knows he is screwing up. Before I can take action I need a very clear cut example of rule violations where he knew what to do and did differently. He is feeling a little ganged up on by the rest of the staff, he doesn't like having everyone telling him what to do. If there are problems, take them to _D and she can take them to &G.

%R:

But we do that already. And he has been like this so long I can't believe there are no examples of him screwing up. Like the one time where he...

*S:

I had a problem with him when he...

^K:

There was the time where he...

+J:

And his personality changes when you are here. He literally has not talked to us in three days and then you show up and he is like everybody's best friend all of a sudden.

%R:

My biggest problem is the way he treats _D. He is so rude to her. I have never seen such a lack of respect for an authority figure.

*S:

Is the problem that there is no documentation of him screwing up?

Me:

Essentially yes. We are dealing with employment law now and there can be repercussions if there is not a clear cut and well defined reason for firing someone.

%R:

That just seams silly, he has been getting ultimatums all along and now this is just one more ultimatum. Like if you screw up THIS time we really really will get mad.

Me:

If I had seen any of this behavior while here I am prepared to fire him on the spot. But if, like you say, he changes his personality around me I probably won't see any of that. And there is a little too much 'he said, she said' going on right now for me to feel this is clear. We will have to deal with this in a different way, and I'm afraid that may put a little more burden on you to put up with him.

Later,

D_:

So I have read through the handbook and the part on conditions for termination and I compiled a list of examples of rule violations. I would feel a lot better if he could just leave here with you instead of staying and waiting to do something wrong again. I'm afraid there may be some sort of emotional retribution for all this once you leave.

Me:

Well, go over your list with me. We will probably have to sit down with him and have a three way conversation. I need to cut through the 'he said, she said'.

Later,

Me:

&G, Thanks for taking the time to talk with us. Revisiting what we discussed last night. Ordinarily I would not be this concerned with interpersonal problems and let you guys sort them out yourselves, but the reports I am getting on your job performance are including words like 'abusive' and 'personal attacks' and 'bullying' and that makes this very serious to me. Can you tell me why I am hearing about abusive behavior?

&G:

Abusive? This is the first time I have heard anything about abusive.

Me:

Is it true that you used the words "fucking bitch" to refer to your manager?

&G:

Yes, I guess that is true.

Me:

Are you aware that you did this in front of staff and guests?

&G:

Well, I guess I knew staff was there, but I didn't think any guests were there.

Me:

I have been hearing that you change your behavior when I am around. That leads me to believe that you know you are doing wrong and are making an effort for me not to see it.

&G:

No, I'm pretty much always the same person.

Me:

_D?

D_:

No. That's not true.

Me:

We have been reviewing the employee handbook, particularly the code of conduct and the conditions for termination, there are several clauses this I think apply. Particularly "…" and "…" and "…". Have you done any of these things that could be grounds for dismissal?

&G:

Well, yeah. I guess I have.

Me:

&G, I no longer require your services here. Effective immediately. How long will it take you to pack your things and be ready to leave?

&G:

A couple hours I guess.

Me:

Okay, I will transport you back to where you left your vehicle. Do you have anything you want to say?

&G:

No.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:51 PM 0 comments

Aqua di Gio

"Excuse me, is that Aqua di Gio you are wearing?"

"I'm sorry?" I turned from my companion to the lady that had stepped to the bar behind me. She was tall with long black hair, sexy clothes, dressed for some nightlife.

"Aqua di Gio. Is that your cologne?" There was a smell of perfumes in the air. Masculine. Someone nearby had taken care to wear it.

"No, I'm not wearing cologne." I was a little put off by the intrusion. A precious few hours with no work and an opportunity to meet a voice from the internet. Somehow I actually found the time to go on a date. I had a glass of scotch and someone new to get to know and now an interruption.

"Oh, well someone here is." She conspiratorially shielded her mouth with her hand and faux whispered "If it is coming from two people away perhaps they went a little overboard." The lady was in nightlife mode for sure. Borderline tipsy and willing to strike up conversation with whomever was around. Was she trying to flirt with me? If I weren't already on a date I would have paid more attention. Not just any date either; this was a first date. The only time one has to make a first impression. I was not interested in wasting time talking with someone else.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to express through body language that I was not interested in colognes or smells and turned back to my companion. "She is very attractive." My date said.

My instincts recoiled at that comment. As far as I am concerned first date etiquette does not include discussions of how attractive someone else at the bar is. Was that a comment of insecurity? A statement of fact? Did she want me to agree, disagree, what did she want to hear? I suppose the interloper was attractive in a shallow sort of way. Again I tried to express body language that said 'I'm not interested in that either.'

"You know, I could swear that was you. Are you sure you are not wearing any cologne?" It was the lady over my shoulder again.

I once again turned away from my date. The only way to deal with this intrusion was to address it. "No, I'm pretty much just wearing soap. What was the name of that cologne again?"

"Aqua di Gio."

"So that is what I should be looking for the next time I am out, you know, shopping for cologne?"

"It's a good one. It's an older cologne, been on the market for quite a while so they sell it at ordinary stores now. It's easy to find. I swear that is what I am smelling now. You know, I'm getting married soon, but my fiancée doesn't wear cologne. I'd like him to, I love the smell, but he just never has worn any and doesn't think of it."

"It's a learned thing." I offer. "Some guys have never learned to wear it and don't understand it."

"Have you asked him to wear it?" Suggests my date.

"Well, yes. But I would like him to remember without being told. I love him to death and it is such a small thing. Easy to forgive. That smell still turns my head though." She leaned across me to my date and said "I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, but I thought your date smelled really nice."

The lady turned away and I turned back to my date, trying to laugh off the eccentric encounter. "Did you learn anything?" asked my companion.

"I learned to shop for Aqua di Gio"

"It may be an oddity of me, but I don't like colognes. I prefer a more natural scent."

"It's one of those things that I hardly ever think of. I'm one of those people that never learned to wear cologne."

"I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but I think you do smell very nice."

Posted by: Montana Jones / 3:04 AM 1 comments

Heater

The bead of sweat trickled down my temple reminding me that the heater was cranked on full. I glanced at the temperature gauge on the dash and the needle was holding just below the red line. So long as I keep the car moving so air passes over the radiator and keep the heater blasting she doesn't overheat. I pushed my hand out the window and deflected a cool breeze onto my face.

I think the cooling fan has died. But it could be the thermostat. Both easy repairs if I only had some time. But add to that the growing list of issues; the oil drip from deep inside the engine, the needed muffler, new brake rotors, the crack in the windshield, the mileage creeping up on 200 thousand. A round of repairs would cost less than a new vehicle but the final straw is the fact that I got stuck on mom's driveway last winter. I need a Montana friendly vehicle.

Zipping down the highway I pass a row of shiny trucks with price stickers painted on the windows. I give the dealership a longing glance as the heater vents out my open window. It will suck to give up a paid for vehicle with good gas mileage, but it is time. Perhaps I will have time to balance my checkbook when I get home.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:20 PM 0 comments

On the trail

On the trail with Montana Jones

Posted by: Montana Jones / 9:46 PM 1 comments

Socializing on the run

The workload has not let up, but somehow there is still time to flirt. For example the cute waitress at the restaurant near my office.

First visit:

She:

Have a good day.

Me:

Already have thanks.

She:

Well keep having a good day.

Me:

<wink>

Next visit:

She:

Still having a good day?

Me:

You know it.

She:

Well keep having a good day.

Me:

Yup. <wink>

And so on until the conversation turned toward what do you do and where do you spend the off season and life plans and so on. Now we are waving across the parking lot and I go out of my way to only go there when she is working. She is a total cutie, but I bet she is 15 years younger than I am. I don't think this will ever be anything other than friendly flirting, but hey, she is a total cutie.

The real action is happening in the Email. Apparently I left some loose ends in my effort to socialize online this spring. A girl dropped a note to see how my summer was progressing. Busy, very busy, thank you. I mentioned my 5:00 AM delivery runs as one source of my busyness and she somehow thought that sounded exotic and fun. It is fun actually. A chance to cross some beautiful country at a time when no one is around. It is quite nice aside from the lack of sleep. She decided she would like to come along and I couldn't complain about having female company in such a romantic setting. I do find it odd that someone would want to come to work with me as a first date. At any rate, more Emails were swapped and time was found for a phone conversation. She decided to rain-check the 5:00 AM date. Fair enough, I can't criticize. I'm certainly not at my best at that hour. But there is another friendly flirt out there should I ever find some daylight hours when I am not working.

And what is this in my inbox tonight? Another loose end has dropped me a line. Holy cow. I don't have time for all this flirting and Emailing. I have to choose between blogging and writing to girls. Just hang on there ladies. In only six weeks I will have some spare time. I am interested. I'm just freakin' busy right now.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 8:26 PM 0 comments