Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.
Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The bastard snuck past the window screens and hunted me down in the bathroom as I was warming up the shower and flexing in front of the mirror. Nice legs but my pecks and biceps won't impress anyone. And for the billionth time do some sit-ups and work on that gut. That's when I felt the bite and swatted my ass and the mosquito fell away dead. Damn. Now I have a mosquito bite on my ass.
It's mosquito season. I have a bite on the back of my neck I keep scratching at. My knee has one and for some reason the pests love my left elbow. It's not so bad when I have my mind on other things; the little welts don't bother me so much then. But when I have an idle mind those bug bites really bother me. Like when I am driving the car. I keep reaching back to scratch that one bite on the back of my neck. Or rubbing the little bumps on my elbow. As for my ass, there is only so much squirming in my seat I can do.
Training employees involves sitting and watching over their shoulder a lot and letting your mind drift a little and scratching your bug bites. You want to give the new employee a good impression of the company and you want to train them well so they form good habits and do a good job. It can be bad form to be constantly scratching your ass in front of them. So I sit and answer questions and show how business procedures work and watch them enter data and think really hard about not scratching my ass. Perhaps I squirmed a little and stepped out for no good reason once in a while. I wasn't thinking about that nasty annoying bump on my ass. I didn't desire to rub it or push my hand down my trousers to dig my fingernails into it. I didn't think about it. I didn't think about it. I did not think about it.
Dismissing the employee couldn't have come quick enough. As soon as I was alone I had both hands down my pants scratching like mad. Stupid damn mosquitoes. Why couldn't it have bit my biceps? I might actually appreciate a little swelling there.
Jones, this is one of the funniest posts you've written. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!
There is more Jones in the archives: February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2014