Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The mosquito bit my ass

The bastard snuck past the window screens and hunted me down in the bathroom as I was warming up the shower and flexing in front of the mirror. Nice legs but my pecks and biceps won't impress anyone. And for the billionth time do some sit-ups and work on that gut. That's when I felt the bite and swatted my ass and the mosquito fell away dead. Damn. Now I have a mosquito bite on my ass.

It's mosquito season. I have a bite on the back of my neck I keep scratching at. My knee has one and for some reason the pests love my left elbow. It's not so bad when I have my mind on other things; the little welts don't bother me so much then. But when I have an idle mind those bug bites really bother me. Like when I am driving the car. I keep reaching back to scratch that one bite on the back of my neck. Or rubbing the little bumps on my elbow. As for my ass, there is only so much squirming in my seat I can do.

Training employees involves sitting and watching over their shoulder a lot and letting your mind drift a little and scratching your bug bites. You want to give the new employee a good impression of the company and you want to train them well so they form good habits and do a good job. It can be bad form to be constantly scratching your ass in front of them. So I sit and answer questions and show how business procedures work and watch them enter data and think really hard about not scratching my ass. Perhaps I squirmed a little and stepped out for no good reason once in a while. I wasn't thinking about that nasty annoying bump on my ass. I didn't desire to rub it or push my hand down my trousers to dig my fingernails into it. I didn't think about it. I didn't think about it. I did not think about it.

Dismissing the employee couldn't have come quick enough. As soon as I was alone I had both hands down my pants scratching like mad. Stupid damn mosquitoes. Why couldn't it have bit my biceps? I might actually appreciate a little swelling there.

Montana mosquitos have nothing on the Minnesota buzzard poor ankles and toes look like a mine field of welts! Drive me nuts!

Jones, this is one of the funniest posts you've written. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!

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