Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Who's who in Montana

Who: Disillusioned youth.
Age: 15-21
Hat: Baseball cap
Catch phrase: "When I get out of this state I'm gonna…" OR "I can't wait to get out of this state."
Likes to wear: What the people on television wear.
Knowledgeable of: Reasons to leave Montana.
Found near: Video game consoles, skate boards, high schools.
Drives: second hand vehicles. Often rusted, occasionally spewing smoke.
Drinks: Soda.

Who: Friendly Neighbor
Age: 30-55
Hat: Baseball cap (clean)
Catch phrase: "Have you heard about the Johnsons…" OR "Have you heard what the Smiths are doing?"
Likes to wear: Clothes sold at Wal Mart
Knowledgeable of: Neighborhood gossip. Supermarket specials.
Found near: Supermarkets, post offices, banks.
Drives: American made four door family cars. Often clean, not rusted.
Drinks: Beer.

Who: Recluse
Age: 30 and up
Hat: wool
Catch phrase: "This place is getting too crowded. Someone just put up a house two miles down the road."
Likes to wear: Unknown, they are hardly ever seen.
Knowledgeable of: All of society's problems.
Found near: Won't be found near anything. They are trying to get away from it all.
Drives: Pickup Truck. Dirty.
Drinks: For as long as the beer supply lasts after monthly trip into town.

Who: Ranchers
Age: 30 and up.
Hat: Baseball cap (dirty) OR cowboy hat (clean).
Catch phrase: "Howdy"
Likes to wear: Blue jeans, flannel.
Knowledgeable of: Bovines, hay, the weather.
Found near: Dirt roads.
Drives: Pickup truck, dirt or rust optional. Tractors.
Drinks: Coffee

Who: Cowboys (cowgirls)
Age: timeless.
Hat: cowboy hat
Catch phrase: "Quit it you damn horse."
Likes to wear: Cowboy boots, cowboy hat, oversized belt buckle.
Knowledgeable of: Horses, common sense.
Found near: Horses.
Drives: Pickup truck. Often with horse trailer.
Drinks: Coffee, whiskey.

Who: Rugged outdoorsmen. (and women)
Age: 25-45
Hat: Fishing hat, felt hat or winter cap.
Catch phrase: "I was out hunting last weekend…" OR "I was out fishing last weekend…" OR "I left work early to do some fishing…"
Likes to wear: Hip waders, sturdy boots, flannel, wool.
Knowledgeable of: The best fishing spots.
Found near: Forested areas, sportsman shops, gun shows, drinking establishments.
Drives: Pickup truck. Usually dirty or rusted. Gunrack optional.
Drinks: Copiously.

Who: Fashionable outdoorsmen. (and women)
Age: 21-35
Hat: Ski hat
Catch phrase: "It's soooo beautiful here."
Likes to wear: Gore-tex, nylon, synthetic base layer and waterproof outer shell.
Knowledgeable of: The best hiking trails.
Found near: Hiking trails, ski slopes, kayak shops, Whitefish.
Drives: Subaru or SUV (clean).
Drinks: Microbrew or wine.

Who: Hippies. Also known as "Missoula Hippies"
Age: 18-25
Hat: Bandana
Catch phrase: "Is this organically grown?"
Likes to wear: Hemp cloth, non synthetic wool blends, dreadlocks. (Dirty).
Knowledgeable of: 47 different ways to save the planet.
Found near: Missoula.
Drives: Subaru. Dirty with bumper stickers.
Drinks: Chai tea, fruit smoothies.

Who: Retirees
Age: 55 and up
Hat: could be anything. (clean)
Catch phrase: "I like it when it gets this cold."
Likes to wear: Clothes from Wal Mart
Knowledgeable of: Montana history and folklore.
Found near: Living room sofa.
Drives: Four door American car. Clean.
Drinks: Water.

Who: Tourists
Age: 25-65
Hat: Baseball cap
Catch phrase: "Can I get a motel near there?" OR "Will this road take me to…"
Likes to wear: Short pants and tee shirts.
Knowledgeable of: Highway rest stops. How everything is less expensive back home.
Found near: National Parks.
Drives: Station wagon, mini van, or Winnebago.
Drinks: Gatorade, soda, bottled water.

good job. although, should be:

Who: Disillusioned youth.
Drinks: "Pop", beer.
I am wincing through my laughter.
Too funny!
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