Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.
Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.
Monday, September 26, 2005
I've been out with a girl twice now. It's been fun. Nice, laid back, no pressure sort of dates. I hugged her goodnight at the end of each evening. The first time I found myself hugging her purse so I moved my hand and then found myself grabbing her ass. I didn't intend to grab her ass, I immediately moved my hand up over her purse and found a place for it higher on her back. I hope she doesn't think of me as some sort of ass grabbing pervert. The second time there was no purse and no inadvertent ass grabbing. The hug lingered a little longer than the first one and as we pulled apart I turned my face toward her anticipating a come hither twinkle in her eye inviting me to draw in for a kiss. That didn't happen, she turned away as we separated.
I wasn't really expecting a kiss. I have been on dates where all I can think of is how much I want to kiss the girl. There are girls out there that fill me with such lust that I can't be bothered to care if they are secretaries, rocket scientists, or uneducated bimbos. That is not the case this time. I actually want to get to know this girl, learn some things about how she makes her choices and the ways she spends her time. I'm not any sort of puritan with intimacy and I have no reason to think this girl is either. But this time it feels as though kissing and physical intimacy would be crossing a line or making a premature choice, that it is not the reason I am spending time with her.
There have been girls in my past that have gone from 'hi, what's your name' to smoochies to a little bedroom rumbly rumbly in a matter of hours. I have also met girls that have smitten me, dated me and crushed my heart without ever advancing past second base. I would certainly enjoy a little kissing, some physical closeness, perhaps even some rumbly rumbly. She might enjoy it too for all I know. I fear the results of those choices. These things create emotional attachments and ways for people to get hurt. What if we later discover we don't like each other? What if one of us falls harder than the other? I'm afraid that it says something bad about me; after spending only a few hours with someone I am already worried about the breakup.
As fun as intimacy is, I have been the love 'em and leave 'em asshole enough times that I am in no hurry to be the asshole again. At least not with someone I am growing a liking for. Besides, it's only been two dates.
There is more Jones in the archives: February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2014