Montana Jones

Honesty, Passion and Skydiving

Me:

One of the things I struggle with occasionally is knowing when I am lying to myself.

Her:

What do you think you lie to yourself about?

Me:

Wanting to both be right in an argument and also be open to other points of view. I have to lie to myself about one of those things to get a self esteem boost.

Her:

Understandable.

Me:

Saying I want something but then sabotaging myself with procrastination could be another way of being dishonest with myself.

Her:

Hmm, good point MJ, do you have anything specifically in mind?

Me:

I have spent the past several years telling myself I should skydive more and I am very good at coming up with excuses to go next weekend instead of this one.

Her:

Why do you think that is? It is something you enjoy so what do you think is the reason for that?

Me:

That's a good and complicated question. The fact that skydiving has a pretty good risk factor plays into it. Some social elements play into it too.

Her:

I was going to mention the risk factor, what social elements? I have no experience with skydiving so I'm learning from you.

Me:

Well, most activities have a social order to them. Be it rock climbing or marathon racing or kayaking or whatever. To get involved in the activity you also have to place yourself in the social circle and be somewhere in the pecking order, so to speak. Some social groups can be very exclusive and discriminatory. It helps to find a group that is supportive and encouraging but life does not always work out like that.

Her:

No it doesn't, that is one of the reasons I think I fell in love with running, the group I got involved with was very encouraging and accepting.

Me:

Personally I have a hard time reading social cues about such things. Too much of a geek I guess. I often can't pick out which people are the supportive ones I should be spending my time with. Creates a challenge for me.

Her:

Now I would never have thought you the geeky type MJ.

Me:

It's true. But anyway, when I have a harder time finding good people to skydive with I also have a harder time convincing myself to go at all.

Her:

That makes sense to me, the encouragement of a supportive partner is invaluable.

Me:

And thus we wind up back at the beginning where I try to tell myself I want more skydiving yet I can't bring myself to do it and somewhere in there I am lying to myself.

Her:

Do you think there is more support out there for you that you just haven't tapped into yet?

Me:

Yes, I do think that.

Her:

And the only way to know for sure is to do more skydiving.

Me:

Montana has opened my eyes quite a bit to how helpful and friendly people can really be.

Her:

I am so glad for that, I think Montana is a very friendly place, I'm glad you are finding it to be so.

Me:

My current excuse is that the weather has been crappy. My next excuse after that is that I am running out of spending money. I gotta figure out what it is that is causing me to make so many excuses in the first place.

Her:

Hmm, I'll be curious to know what you come up with.

Me:

Me too.

Her:

It doesn't seem to be a lack of passion.

Me:

All it takes is one jump and my veins fill with adrenaline and it suddenly feels so very very good to be alive. Best drug ever.

Her:

You make it sound amazing, that kind of description doesn't come from a lack of passion.

Me:

I don't think I could ever quit. I tried quitting once and had to make a farewell jump. Well that just got me hooked again. So every time the idea of giving up the sport crosses my mind I just go make another farewell jump.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:34 AM