Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.
Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
- my tounge probes your mouth my hands caress warm skin
- i moan as I press against you, feeling your hard cock press back against me
- I guide your hand ot my open legs
- grrrr, hubby is home
- i've gotta run....
- Thats okay sweetie
I watch the icon go stale as she logs off and I continue to sit motionless staring into the computers glow for a few minutes. The vivid images in my mind trickle away and the empty dark of the room settles over me. I pull my blue jeans the rest of the way off and drag them with me to the basket in the bedroom. Undressing completely I crawl into bed. It occurs to me that I could finish on my own what we had started together. Somehow my heart is not in it and I roll on to my side for sleep. The fantasy images replay in my mind as I drift away and my last thought before sleep is that her husband could be right now finishing for her what I had started.
She loves her husband. I know this because she has told me. She has also kept her marriage open. She has told me this as well. Society has a lot of expectations for how we are supposed to behave and what is normal. But our culture does not do very well at bending rules for people. It does not help us much when our emotions do unregulated things like love more than one person at a time or lust for someone you can't touch.
I don't know what her husband thinks of this and I don't really care. They are several states away and he works nights, the times when I am available. She and I chat about sex and desire often. Sometimes we get so engrossed as to create a fantasy together. I don't feel like I am invading his space. She and I never touch, only talk. And when he comes home, I go away. The real world is more important. That is how it should be.
The next day feels empty, incomplete. We chat again, about weekend plans and being lazy. The sexual tension is not there this time. That is okay. The little things are important. Being a good friend makes a better lover when the time is right. Not that she and I are lovers. Our sex is only as real as the fantasy we make.
Then my mailbox opens a new door.
- ... Please feel free to email again if you would like. I would really like to "talk" to you again.
There are replies and more Emails and getting to know you questions and banter and flirtation.
- You know what I really think; I think that if we were in the same town there would be some serious seduction going on right now. Toe curling, bodice ripping, hot, steamy, tense, flaming daiquiri, pillar toppling, opulent, shiny, stampeding cattle, frantic, dangerous, the future's so bright I gotta wear shades SEDUCTION.
Of course there was seduction going on already. They say that the brain is the bodies largest sex organ. We have been flashing some brain at each other across several Emails. We sit across the ether from each other and stroke our keyboards and tease our words and caress our paragraphs and seduce each other with imagination.
Our interaction grows from pensive questions and answer into the friendly chatting of friends. Under the surface there is tingling of sexual tension, of mystery and fantasy and flirtation. Seeing her name in my inbox brings smiles and I start to long for it when it does not appear as often as I would like. She joins me in the Instant Messenger. Now I can peek at her when she logs in and out and I can take comfort in seeing her name there. Right next to the name of my other internet girlfriend. What do societies conventions say about that?
One night I finally run into the situation I had feared. The messenger chimes a hello from the old girl while I am chatting with the new one.
- heya cutie. how goes montana?
I banter with her a little, but my mind is elsewhere. I can't keep up both conversations and hers is the one neglected. I wonder a little about the etiquette of simultaneous IM chats. I don't want either of these ladies to feel neglected, I don't want to cross channels either or do anything that might cause jealousy. A few rules might actually help me here.
- i turn into a pumpkin after 10 pm
- i'm off to bed sweet thang
- have a good night
- sorry I've been distracted tonight.
- enjoy your pumpkinhood
- no worries, i wasn't looking for your attention tonight *wink* I'll catch you again some other time
I'm pretty sure that the married girlfriend would understand. I've known her longer, understand her better. She has a husband, an open marriage and appreciates meeting needs where you can. The new girlfriend, well, I don't know how she would react. This new world of Internets and Emails has different rules to it. I don't think anyone knows them yet. Is it cheating? Is it unfair to share your attention with several people this way? And what if real life provides it's own girlfriends? Do I get to keep the online ones?
It is probably not right to think of my internet friends as girlfriends anyway. The word is too uncertain. It's almost as though the word describes different relationships depending on who is using it. I never even understood it back in high school when it was slipped on and off as regularly as a pair of shoes. But that is the word in my mind. I don't think there is a word for the girls that you don't meet and only talk to in writing but still smile at and think about and feel giddy over as though they were the romantic crush down the street.
I'm not going to tell the new girlfriend that I use that label to think of her. I don't yet know her well enough to guess her reaction. There is so much I don't know about her. Perhaps she even has other internet friends as well. Perhaps online flirting is common to her and she knows some rules that I don't. She may have fantasy lovers as I do. I don't know. I shouldn't make assumptions one way or the other. I don't think I would be jealous. If a real world husband can't make me jealous a cyber partner would not phase me either.
I like the new girl in my life. It is exciting to get the little emotional rush from seeing her name in my inbox. I feel special when she takes the time to say hello. I want to romance and seduce her. I want her to know she has found a special place with me. I want to give her something I don't share with others.
- I have a crazy idea.
- what's that?
- what is your phone number? wanna talk?
After all, the real world is more important.
There is more Jones in the archives: February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2014