Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Friday, November 03, 2006


Damn, it's good to hear from you. This sure has been my year for screwing up my personal life. Any success I have had in my work appears to be complimented with a blunder with my friends. For the life of me I have not been able to figure out what my friends want from me or how to give it. I know that I have screwed up somehow, not entirely sure how. I have been scared that I have screwed up so badly as to lose touch with you forever.

It makes me sad that you have such a different memory of our past than I do. I remember spending some very good time with you. Talking, running, hiking, cooking, road trips, music, movies. I got a lot more from you than just sex. If that is all you ever got from our relationship, well, that is disappointing. But it reflects badly on me more than on you. I do not feel used and I hope you do not have regrets.

I am sorry if our conversations have been strained. Since the end of our relationship and especially since we have both moved on to dating others I have felt like it is not right for me to lean on you for emotional or moral support. I don't want to burden you with my problems. I don't want to risk coming between you and your relationships. I don't want your boyfriend to accuse me of trying to get into your pants. I don't want anyone I date to feel threatened by my friendship with you. And I don't know the correct things to do or say to balance all that and keep you as a friend.

For the record, I am not unhappy. Montana has been good to me in many different ways. If there is anything you can do for me it would be to reassure me that I can have a place in you life without burdening you, taking time or energy away from your relationships, or threatening your boyfriend. Calling bullshit on my bullshit is appreciated too.

So do you want to try another conversation? Let's pick a time when I can give you my full attention and I promise to think of five cool or good things that happened to me this summer to share with you.