Montana Jones

Lassitude

"Hey, I get the hint. I won't try calling anymore. I won't bother you any more."

Sometimes you can stay friends, but more and more I am starting to think that is the exception and not the rule. I hang up the phone and an old love is gone, perhaps never to be heard from again.

And then there is #_. Friend, lover, fun, occasionally hard to spend time with. I like her but my heart is not in it. Perhaps giving her attention contributed to loosing the friendship of ex. Perhaps ex's new boyfriend has something to do with it. Perhaps there are other things I don't see. Relationships don't always weave together neatly and orderly to create a grand tapestry. Sometimes the tapestry unravels too.

#_ and I also had a little falling out. If I had known that was coming I would have given ex more attention that last time I saw her at the concert. It just feels weird to cross paths with an old love while out on a date. I didn't know what to do. I don't know if ex understands that or not. I think she feels like I was blowing her off. I'm going to miss her.

I don't know what to do about #_ either. It is good to have a friend but there is a part of me that says to let it go. That's the part that wants to think being left alone will make the universe easier to deal with. In my gut I know that the other part of me that wants to find the friendship is the better part.

And then a new Email arrives. Someone introduces herself. On the one hand I don't like passing up a knocking opportunity. On the other hand my current mood of apathy, confusion and lassitude is not exactly attractive. I'm not sure if I could show myself in the best light right now. The timing is poor. I need to win myself over before I can woo others.

Posted by: Montana Jones / 7:49 PM