Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.
Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Dear President Bush,
Happy Presidents Day!
Yes, it is that time of year again. That joyous occasion for sending Presidents Day cards, eating chocolate presidents heads, and pretending for one day out of the year that we actually like our relatives and our president. Did you get my card? I sent it the other week to make sure it would get to you in time. It's the red one with white lace that says "I [heart] president" on it. For some reason all the cards at the store were red and frilly with hearts and stuff so I had to write "president" with my black magic marker. That black smudge down in the corner is where I censored out the little naked kid trying to shoot your heart with an arrow. I didn't want you to think I was sending a terrorist threat or anything. It really wasn't the best choice of cards for you but my selection was limited. I'm sure this is just an oversight by the Hallmark Company and next year we will get better, more patriotic Presidents Day cards.
I know a lot of people that completely forget about this holiday until they discover they have a three day weekend. Then they usually blow it by getting drunk on Sunday night and don't bother to send you so much as a thank you note for all your hard work. In fact I remember having a conversation last year with someone I thought was super intelligent, she had a Ph.D. and everything. Not only did she not celebrate Presidents Day or send you a thank you note, but she didn't even vote. Can you believe it? Some smartypants trying to tell me that voting was a waste of time because there is no way to know what a candidate will do or who they will represent once in office. My friend said that politics was so rife with dishonesty and hypocrisy and that every candidate would go back on their promises, lie and screw up somehow. She said there was no point to voting because no matter whom you vote for you still get a screw up that wont represent you in Washington.
To be honest, I didn't vote for you either. But at least I did my patriotic duty. Besides, I think she might be right; Ralph Nader would probably have screwed up just as bad as you have, just in different ways is all. If only Ross Perot would run again. But hey, Presidents Day is a good day to put all that behind us.
So best of luck to you in convincing people to believe you when you give speeches and stuff. Since it is your big holiday and all I hope you get to take a break from all the politics and screwing up that you do. You can count on me to keep reminding people to send Presidents Day cards and to do their patriotic duty of voting. I hate to think of what would happen if we put the wrong screw up in office.
Happy Presidents Day and don't forget...
I [heart] president.
There is more Jones in the archives: February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2014