Montana Jones

Road trip summary

Hours spent in the vehicle: 63

Average speed: 61.5 MPH

Total miles: 5349

Nights spent in hotel rooms: 13

Longest day: 640 miles. West Montana to East Montana.

Hours spent in a ninth grade classroom: ¾.

Old friends I got to meet for lunch: 1

Most state lines crossed in one day: 6. (Virginia, Maryland, West Virginia, Pensylvania, West Virginia, Ohio.)

Best truck stop breakfast: Cafe on exit 307 of interstate 94 through North Dakota.

Most humbling moment: Nephew kicking my ass seven times in a row at Star Wars Battlefront on the Xbox.

Coolest thing I saw: The Wright brothers airplane.

Most interesting social encounter: Flirting with the girl at the bar in Ohio.

Best beer: Moose Drool, waiting right here for me in good ol' Montana just as soon as I got back in the state.

Flattest most boring landscape: Illinois.

Best mountains (east of the Mississippi): West Virginia.

Best mountains (west of the Mississippi): Montana!

Bumpiest roads: North Dakota.

Best home cooked meal: The M_'s farm in Ohio. Fresh milk from the cow, homemade butter, a pot roast that melts in your mouth and a slice of homegrown tomato so thick and meaty I had to cut it with a knife.

Worst city traffic: Washington D.C. (Honorable mention: Minneapolis.)

Best city traffic: Fargo.

Cutest waitresses: North Dakota.

Dad's best one liner: "If the toilet paper was any thinner it would only have one side."

Labels: best of, dad, hotel, miles, miscellaneous, nephew, road trip, states, summary, vacation, vehicle, Washington D.C.

National Air and Space Museum

Me:

Does everyone have their cell phone? I'm pretty sure we are gonna get split up.

MM:

Got mine. I guess the plan is to split into groups. Niece is with S_, grandpa is with me and nephew is with MJ.

Me:

Sweet, the buddy system. Ready to hit it buddy?

Nephew:

Yup.

Me:

All right, let's see. Over here is. Oooooh! Lookit that! That's a Viking lander! That is one of the first probes that they landed on mars.

Nephew:

Yeah, that's the camera and that's the scooper and that is the radio antenna.

Me:

Ooooh! Lookit that! They have Spaceship One here. That is the first privately owned spaceship. And it is right next to, ooooh lookit, it's the Spirit of St. Louis.

Nephew:

Hey, look at that.

Me:

Ooooh! That one is the first plane to go Mach 2. That's cool!

Later...

Me:

Oh wow, lookit that! That is a P-51.

Nephew:

That is a pretty fast plane.

Me:

Yeah! That is a pretty fast plane, it has one heck of an engine in it. And ooooh, lookit that! It's a Japanese zero.

Later...

Me:

Oh, check it out!. It's the Wright brothers plane. Cool! Do you know what this is?

Nephew:

Yeah, it's one of those old planes.

Me:

Not just any old plane, this is the first airplane ever. Oooh, lookit that.

Later...

Nephew:

Hey, it's a moon lander.

Me:

What? Where? Ooooh! Lookit that! That is so cool!

Later...

MM:

So how is your day going.

Me:

This is so cool! It's a total kid in a candy store day for me. I hope nephew is keeping up with me.

Nephew:

I am. Can we go see that galaxy thing next?

Me:

Oh yeah.

Labels: aircraft, airplane, conversation, cool, museum, nephew, spaceship, Washington D.C.

Petting zoo

The tent was striped red and white and the dirty banner read "Free Admission". We wandered over to see what was going on. There were llamas, goats, ponies, a large tiger, striped orange and black, a monkey, some lemurs and a trio of lion cubs. Outside the tent was a camel and another tent was hung with a sign "See the exotic black panther, $1.00". We browsed the cages and pens. The cats were beautiful but restless. The monkey looked as bored as a ninth grader in math class. There were signs directing us to get a photo taken with a lion cub for $3.00. Pony rides for $1.00. You could buy animal feed for $2.00. A sad looking string of dolls and Tasmanian Devils and Incredible Hulks jostled each other in the breeze, waiting for the enthusiasm to be sold. After inspecting each of the cages Dad and I looked at each other with a shrug and left.

Dad:

What are the ethics of that?

Me:

I'm not sure what is going on, but it felt sketchy to me.

Dad:

The fellow said they will be here for some festival later in the month.

Me:

That makes sense. I didn't see enough income there to cover the cost of feeding and transporting those animals.

Dad:

They probably make more money at fairs and so on. I asked the guy about moving them in the trucks and he said that they stop every few hours to check on the animals and make sure there is plenty of food and water. But those trucks are pretty small and the cages are pretty small. They don't get much chance to get out and move. Some of those animals are more accustomed to wide open spaces.

Me:

There is a part of me that wants to give them the benefit of the doubt. The sign said they come from an exotic animal preserve in Florida and perhaps that is true. This could be a side branch to that business. But if all these animals do is go from county fair to county fair, well, they are not living much of a life.

Dad:

That parking lot is a pretty hard surface to live on too.

Me:

Yeah, I thought about that. The straw they have down won't be much comfort.

Dad:

Not much comfort at all.

Me:

Yup, the whole thing felt pretty shady.

Labels: animal, cage, conversation, dad, ethics, petting zoo

Montana has a charm

She:

You know, I have always been fascinated with Montana. I have always loved saying the word Montana, even before I knew anything about it. And back in school when we had to do reports on the states I always picked Montana to do my report on. But I never went out there until after my sister moved there.

He:

The only thing about Montana, unlike here, is well, here everything you could want culturally is within an hour away. Doesn't work that way out there.

Me:

You know, I agree with you. That would be my only complaint with Montana. Culture and variety are harder to come by.

Dad:

I don't know about that. Everything I need is just down the road in Missoula. Less than an hour away.

Me:

Sure, but can you go see a broadway show on any given weekend?

Dad:

Well, no. You have me there.

Me:

But Montana does have a charm.

She:

Oh so true. Montana most definatly has a charm. I always want to keep going back there.

Labels: charm, conversation, culture, dad, Montana

Road trip with dad. Day 4.

Sitting in the car all day is making me uncomfortably horny. And traveling with dad I have had no privacy to masturbate. I am spending my days suffering from uncomfortable hardons. I have got to take my mind off this somehow. Gaze at the scenery and the undulating, curvy hills. No. Look at those grain silos standing erect along the horizon. No. Check out that oil derrick pumping and thrusting rhythmically. Arrrrgh. No. This is going to be a long trip.

Labels: dad, horny, road trip, sex

Caterpillar

I instinctively stepped toward the side of the road when the truck rounded the corner but she did not. I looked at her and she was calmly standing in the road staring down the oncoming vehicle. I watched as the driver just as calmly drifted his truck aside and missed us all by a good margin. She was pretty serious about protecting small and helpless things. She didn't even flinch.

I had been watching the caterpillar for a while now. About an inch long, fuzzy, orange in the middle and black on both ends with white spiky hairs sticking out. It was squirming it's way onto the asphalt. I was distracted as it crawled into the first lane of traffic, but when I looked for it again after a couple of cars had passed it had luckily survived all the way to the double yellow line. I pointed it out to her and how lucky it had been getting halfway across. She walked out into the road and admired its white spikes and fuzzy stripes. "I've been known to help helpless little things out." She said. She stationed herself in the middle of the far lane and stood vigil over the little bug.

The first vehicle made me flinch, but not her. The caterpillar continued its slow crawl. I stood with her more resolutely as the second vehicle dodged us. By the time the third vehicle swerved around us the little bugger had pretty much cleared the road.

"There you go little guy, now go do great things." She said. I was just glad to get out of traffic.

Labels: bug, caterpillar, flinch, good deed, protect, road, vehicle

Down strokes

He:

I finally got to hear P_ sing. She is so angelic. She is quite good.

Me:

Angelic is the right word for it. Isn't she amazing?

He:

And I had a chance to play with C_ and Z_ too. Z_ is pretty good. He can do Johnny Cash really well.

Me:

I have never heard Z_ play.

He:

Well, he is pretty good. And I noticed something interesting too. I have seen it in all the guitar players from your generation. You and C_ and Z_ and even S_, you all have a style of playing only down strokes.

Me:

It's that punk influence.

He:

You know, I think you are right, I really do think that is it. But it's really impressive to me that every one of you does it. It's a generational thing. All the guitar players your age do it.

Labels: conversation, down stroke, generation, guitar, Music, observations, play, punk