Montana Jones

Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.

Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Ask Montana Jones

was wondering if I could pick your brain for some advice...

There is this guy I kind of like. We've hung out a little, had fun etc. and have plans to do so again but not for several weeks. I enjoy his company and was kind of hoping that maybe we could hang out again before that time.

I'm not really sure how to approach it. I am not sure if I should just ask or what? We don't live in the same city and so I'm not sure if he hasn't wanted to ask me to drive again or if maybe he just isn't thinking about it. Keep in mind he works a lot and is getting kind of busy and so I wouldn't want to intrude on that. I suspect he has a lot on his mind right now.

Got any ideas? I don't want to turn it into a big thing since it really isn't one. I like things to just be easy going and I suspect he does as well. If we end up not hanging out again until the scheduled time that's cool too.

Thanks MJ, you're a doll!

Waitaminute, you are actually asking me this? You already know the answer to this one. Talk to him. Yeah, that's right, you gotta ask him if hanging out again would be cool. Sure he is far away and busy but do you really think the 30 seconds it will take to get him on the phone and ask is going to derail his entire career? Just do it. The worst he can do is say no.

Except that is the real problem isn't it? You don't want a 'no', you want more. More of his time, more attention and more hanging out. You know what that means? Attraction.

Yup, there it is between the lines. You don't want to turn it into a big thing but you are asking Montana Jones for advice. Well guess what, it is a big thing. Big enough for you to worry about it and ask opinions. You don't go asking Montana Jones unimportant things like which pair of underwear to put on today. You have given a lot of thought to how much he is working and about the drive and you have speculated about what is going on in his head but you have been shy about asking him about a simple human contact thing. Correct me if I am wrong but I am calling this twitterpation.

So we need to figure out how to ask this guy out without getting turned down. We have to do this with respect to the distance involved, with respect to the work schedules and not intruding. We need to tap-dance gracefully around the issues of attraction and budding romance. We are grown ups after all and we have fallen before and been hurt before. We have tasted the sweet nectar of love and we have known the agonizing poison of rejection. The goal here is to get to the honey without the bee stings. Oh and it all has to be easy going.

Now this counts as a big deal. This is the sort of thing human kind has been working toward since the invention of the flirtatious wink. Empires have been built and destroyed in the quest for this knowledge. Mighty armies have been marched across the four corners of the earth for the answer to this question. Mad scientists have concocted love potions and psychics have cast their tarots. There have been mighty debates and quiet prayers and advice columnists have made incredibly lucrative careers out of the quest for the solution to this one. Fortunately for you I know the answer.

You have to talk to him. Write a quick Email or call him on the phone and ask him what he thinks about getting together.

Communication will solve all the mysteries. Does he want you to make the drive? Did he enjoy your time hanging out? Does he want to deal with seeing someone in another city? Does he bother to match his socks out of the drier? Does he like the same books, movies and music as you? Any misdemeanors on his criminal record? What are his favorite pizza toppings? Does he stop work occasionally to daydream about you? Will he be okay with your sexual fetishes? Does he have secret desires involving chocolate pudding? Does he put the seat down?

Communication is the number one solver of problems ever. You should talk about everything. Weekend visits, deep fears, the weather. There are some things that can be hard to talk about. Mistakes we have made, past loves, birth control, revealing your secrets. Like your crush on Sean Cassidy or that he learned to masturbate from Linda Carters Wonder Woman costume. (Cough.) You should still do it. Bring up the tough subjects. If he can't handle talking with you how will he be able to handle spending time with you or dating you? If you guys can make it through the tough conversations then the easy ones get easier and better. This is how you will know if he really is as honorable as you want him to be. Communicating a lot is how you will know that if he says he is working late he really is working late, not seeing some floozie on the side. Be honest with him and expect the same. It's our best friends that have heard all our secrets and proved their worth by sticking around anyway. Talking with him is how you will know if he is worth the effort, if he should be kicked to the curb, or if he has what it takes to be your friend.

Montana Jones is not really a know-it-all but he does play one on the internet. If you have any burning questions about love, physics, spirituality, web design or any of the other incredibly complex problems of life you should write to

Good advice Jones, and for her sake I hope he realizes how difficult it can be standing out on that limb alone. I hope he realizes that communciation (whether it be good or bad news) is a two-way street. I'm sure she can handle anything he can dish out as long as it's honest.

Oh by the way, what underwear do you think I should put on today?
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