Montana n: A state of the northwest United States bordering on Canada. Admitted as the 41st state in 1889. The fourth largest state in the union, it includes vast prairies and numerous majestic mountain ranges.
Syn: Treasure State, Big Sky Country, Last Best Place.
Jones n: slang. An addiction or very deep craving.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Visionary
"You know what it is? It's that I'm a visionary. It's lead, follow or get out of the way. I just think big is all, just like the Hill brothers. You know, James and Louis Hill that came through and built all the lodges. They thought big. Can't get logs big enough? Bring 'em in on the train. They were the visionaries that built this place. Well that's what I am doing except I don't get appreciated for it. I would have got along great with the Hill brothers. You know what they were? They were wild men with a massive checkbook."
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Theme Song
Pop quiz. Who is the absolutely coolest, grooviest, most selfless, most charitable, most entertaining, musically talented cat in the entire Montana Blogosphere?
If you said The Chad you would be so right.
The Chad has gone out of his way to create a Montana Jones theme song. The Chad is awesome beyond words for doing so and he totally deserves a high five. Yeah, you heard that right. Montana Jones now has a theme song. It comes in two flavors, with and without lyrics. I recommend playing it in an endless loop. That's how I enjoy it.
Montana Jones Theme with Lyrics
If those links give you trouble try this one.
Life is so much better when you have a theme song. I can now make dramatic entrances. When everyone in the supermarket hears those first bars of my theme music they can look to the entrance to see me burst in looking cool. When ordering at my favorite restaurant the waiter will ask "What'll it be buddy?" and there will be a dramatic surge to the theme song as I look all thoughtful before saying "I'll have the cheeseburger." When I am out exercising everyone can get totally pumped up along with me because of the rocking beat of my theme song. The possibilities are endless. The theme song makes me feel like I could be out there getting into car chases, having shootouts, scoring hot chicks, thwarting villains, rescuing damsels. Oh yeah. Having a theme song is good.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Montana shopping mall
- She:
- You know what my mom calls those green box dumpster sites? She calls it the mall. There is always someone there digging in the trash.
- Me:
- Hehe, yeah. Well, I'm off to the mall.
...
- Me:
- You were right, I watched one guy there going systematically through each dumpster. He was poking around with a stick and even had a knife to cut open each garbage bag.
- She:
- Can you believe it?
- Me:
- I'm sure he will enjoy that stinky crap I dumped. Remind me to get a paper shredder too. Every thing with my name on it better get shredded.
- She:
- That's for sure. Your address too.
- Me:
- But it got me thinking. These people may actually be good for our society.
- She:
- Eeeww.
- Me:
- It's a socioeconomic thing. Well off people will discard things more indiscriminately so there are sure to be valuables in that trash. The poor people digging in the trash are actually performing a service for us by sorting out valuables and recyclables and reducing the mass of the landfill. In theory they are profiting from it too.
- She:
- (Makes disgusted face.)
- Me:
- Granted, it's gross and sad that people would have to do that. But still, it may have an upside.
Friday, August 18, 2006
What is this "weekend" of which you speak?
- He:
- Have a good weekend.
- Me:
- Yup, I get one of those next month.
- He:
- No weekend for you?
- Me:
- I work every day in the summer.
- He:
- Man, I don't know how you do it. I am really looking forward to getting tomorrow off.
I can always tell it's Friday because thats the day everyone I do business with tells me to "have a nice weekend." Sometimes this confuses me.
- She:
- Is the end in sight?
- Me:
- Three and a half weeks.
- She:
- Not that anyone is counting.
- Me:
- Not that anyone is counting.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Hiking with a broom for a walking stick
- Lady Hiker:
- Nice, I like a guy that can clean up after himself.
...
- Guy hiker:
- Nice broom.
- Me:
- Thanks.
...
- Girl Hiker:
- Can you clean up this trail a little?
...
- Girl Hiker:
- Are you here to clean the place up?
- Me:
- Yup. I'm under orders.
...
- Girl Hiker:
- Could you sweep up some of this horse poop please.
...
- Guy Hiker:
- I've never seen a hiking stick like that.
- Me:
- Custom built for dusty trails.
...
- Lady Hiker:
- You must be Montana Jones. I don't know anyone else that would hike up here with a broom.
- Me:
- I'm just glad they didn't ask for a vacuum cleaner.
Friday, August 11, 2006
They will cut his head off
- He:
- I have a son that wants to go to Iran.
- Me:
- Really? Cool.
- She:
- Oh my god. If they catch him they will cut his head off.
- Me:
- I would love to visit the Middle East. I hear that it is some beautiful country. Right now would be a bad time, but in about ten years.
- She:
- Oh god. Never. They hate everyone.
- He:
- Well, my son is a journalism student. He is interested in places that have current events going on.
- Me:
- Yeah, Iran counts.
- She:
- Oh god. They will cut his head off if they catch him.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
How to turn a marmot into a grizzly bear
- First Hiker:
- What is that animal? I have never seen it before. It looks sorta like a little bear.
- Second Hiker:
- We saw what looks like a little bear down the trail a ways.
- Third Hiker:
- We met these ladies that said they saw a bear on the trail.
- Fourth Hiker:
- I've heard there has been a bear sighting on the trail.
- Fifth Hiker:
- What sort of bear?
- Fourth Hiker:
- I dunno. It must be a grizzly.
- Fifth Hiker:
- Hey, have you heard? There has been a grizzly sighting on this trail.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
On the trail with Montana Jones
Summer is half over and I have had some good trail. I haven't been alone. Here are some of my companions.
Deer
Nanny goats
Kid goats
Squirrels
Marmots
Dummies
Moose
Bears
Big birds
Flamboyant birds
Baby birds
Baby mouse
Bugs
Chilling out
Awww
Happy trails
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Pitching a tent
- Girl 1:
- I am sick of hearing "I just want photos of the hot lesbian action in the tent" every time I saw him for the past two weeks.
- Me:
- I want that too.
- Girl 1:
- Men!
- Girl 2:
- The only action in the tent is gonna be the tossing and turning as I try to fall asleep.
- Girl 1:
- Guys can be pigs. What is up with that?
- Girl 2:
- I've gone camping lots of times and all I ever really do is come out and pitch a tent.
- Girl 2:
- Oh, I didn't mean it that way. I didn't realize what I said until I saw him snickering.
- Me:
- I'm not saying anything.
- Girl 2:
- Oh god, this is going to end up on your blog isn't it?
Friday, August 04, 2006
A true story
So there was this old guy that lived in Whitefish named George. And George would go on walks all the time and all the neighbors knew him and would wave and say "hi George" to him. One day a couple in his neighborhood realized that they hadn't seen George for a few days and so they went to his house to check on him. When they knocked on the door there was no answer but the door was open and they went in and looked. Sure enough there was George, dead in his chair.
So they called the sheriff and the coroner came and George was taken care of. A few days before the funeral the neighbor couldn't find his glasses. He searched his house and his car and everywhere and his glasses could not be found. They were just lost. Later at George's funeral the neighbors arrived and viewed George in his open casket. When they saw George lying there the husband whispered to the wife "George is wearing my glasses!"
Rather than make a scene the neighbor allowed George to wear his glasses to the grave.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Poohsticks
As I lounged resting by the creek, my feet dangling off the bridge, a pair of hikers wound their way up the trail and joined me. The man nodded hello and stopped in the middle of the bridge to admire the views. The lady disappeared into the brush and a short moment later returned with a stick in her hand. She looked at the man with a half smirk and without a word snapped the stick in half. The man wordlessly accepted half the stick and together they stepped to the upstream side of the bridge. A glance at each other was their cue and they simultaneously dropped the twin sticks into the water. In unison they turned and stepped to the downstream side of the bridge.
- He:
- There goes mine, yours is stuck on that rock.
- She:
- Nice. Have you ever read Winnie the Pooh?
- Me:
- I was just thinking that you don't often meet someone that enjoys a good game of poohsticks.
- He:
- We are still enjoying our first childhood.
There is more Jones in the archives: February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2014
